No Way to Live

Published November 27, 2015 by helentastic67

No way to live

It’s such a simple greeting “How are you?” I get asked it at all my regular stops and appointments. I often get asked the wog version – “How are you? Good.” So they answer it for me also. I just agree. People just presume I am good and I let them believe that because if I was blunt and honest they might be afraid to ask me in the future.

Someone once told me to be honest and tell people the truth. I put this in to practice with someone who deserved to be told the cold hard truth. It was a friend who only see when his life obviously crazy/busy, still has a better outlook than mine right now. I see this guy every few years only and he is more about the promises than actual reality.

So, I was blunt and I told him I was on anti-depressants and he told me straight back he was too!

In reality, he is on that knifes edge when he has invested serious cash in a business and he’s waiting to see if it pays off. Some of the success hinges on their choice in location, which is always a gamble.

But through the course of our last catch up I became aware I’d not been considered worthy of an invite to his 40th! Nor, despite being his friend for about 15 years, did not get invited to his wedding!

Let me impress upon you when his last relationship fell apart, I was the ‘friend’ he called every fucking day with the same “poor-me” issues.

So we’re both on anti-depressants and I decide to tell him I’m on the PILL! He is startled for a second and I think he is thinking I’m getting very, very lucky, so I point out in my 40 years I’ve never been on the PILL and I’m only on the PILL now, so once a month I don’t burst into tears at everything. I’m on the PILL because I’ve got crazy hormones!

I once only wanted to kill people every month, just one day every month but I wanted to kill someone. These days, crazy hormones makes me want to cry. I mean really cry. At everything!

I get out of bed, I cry. I get in the shower. I cry. I get out of the shower. I cry. Puppies! Kittens! Did I make my point?

That’s no way to live.

Sometimes I think I should create one day a year, where I’m brutally honest with everybody! And there should be no consequences…

It would go like this; I would call my local council who provide my carers and I could tell them they were incompetent! I could call family members and tell them they were doing sub-standard job as family members (note, now I softened that) I would call all my ex-boyfriends and tell them they were a ‘dud-root’ (it’s a classic term!).

I don’t know if I got to the point I started to make when I first sat to write this, but I think I did still succeed to make a point.

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