Hidden Pain

Published August 26, 2016 by helentastic67


Hidden Pain

So, I know I get a little backlash out there. My disability has managed to leave me with the ability to walk with the aid of a walking stick (Not complaining).

And therefore I have a level of independence to go out and do things.

Yesterday was Monday, I had my Carer at 9am. We were done an hour later. I made my own breakfast and light lunch. I actually ate my breakfast on the couch for a change. I often eat it in a hurry on the train to the city on the days I go out. Ridiculous!

My appointment wasn’t until 3pm and while I really wanted to go back to bed and to sleep I figured my Landlord was due to mow the lawns. I’ve been watching it get long and overgrown the last two weeks. And let’s face it, I had to get to Medicare to claim two receipts. Medicare is my ‘Other Bank’ and I don’t claim much these days.

So, off I went to the city. That translates like this;

Text my Young John (will tell you about him another time; get your tissues ready) Young John drives me to a train station closer to the city. It’s more convenient and a train goes through every 10 minutes.

Get on train and in the city in about 20 minutes. The train platform is an easy one for me, it is just on Platform 1 so right out onto Flinders Street and cross.

I crossed between 2 pedestrian crossings to save time. Traffic had stopped all the same.

I made a stop at the shop I used to visit to have a quick chat to Peter. He was the 3red stop for me, back in my Promoter days every Monday Peter runs a little independent Music/Clothing/Tattooist/Body art/Gothic shop that is literally down an alley and down in the basement. Awkward stairs. Handrails not on the right but I make it in one piece, because I won’t QUIT!!!

I once flew down the stairs and up again but after a little catch up.

No independent bands touring anytime soon either. Peter goes up and comes back down for me in the lift.

Still had to do about 10 steps down to street level. Anyway, I give a nice older lady some directions as she looks a little lost and confused (don’t we all?).

Walk several large blocks to Medicare. Feel good! Big strides, can see and most people respectfully move out of my way. Not everyone, but most!

Medicare a busy place. Don’t want to wait today so I fill in the forms. Very little information required. Staple and put in the post box.

They will process and by tomorrow, I’ll be $106. Richer!!

Anyway, cross two streets. And wait for a tram.

Catching trams in Melbourne

I’m only going halfway home as that’s where my appointment is. But the tram isn’t a flatbed tram. It’s not disability friendly! So, three big steps. Word from the wise, lead with the stronger leg and I always sit just inside the door. Commonly referred to and by other disabled friends as “My seat!” We each call it that and when we are together we prioritise who needs it more. Or this allows me to sit there because they are gentlemen…

Anyway, get to Collingwood and go into shop that requires a few steps. No handrail. Walk 15 minutes to appointment. Was warm as the last day of summer in Melbourne.

Time to sit for a bit before my appointment.

I see Gerry who does Shiatsu every 3-4 weeks for an hour, he works on my back, shoulders and arms and a little on my neck.

Afterwards, he gives me a lift up the street (it’s uphill) and I heave myself up onto the tram again for the 20 minute journey home.

Off tram at my stop and walk 10-15 minutes. Happy to get home, not too desperate for the loo. 5 steps up and inside!

So Tuesday. Got the day off today. No appointments! Just phone calls to make sure my Carers are sorted for the next 10 days and any transport needs.

Struggle to get it together! Things hurt! For once my head doesn’t hurt but my thighs hurt and my right shoulder and arm. And it hurts to walk. Want to make reference to feel like, I’ve been on a horse for a week, but don’t know what that’s like. Dragging my left foot a little today.

Lastly, while my transport yesterday was all fine and Gerry volunteers his time today I’m paying for it!

Every step, every curb I negotiated I’m feeling it today! And tomorrow we do it all again.

Closer to home this time, but Wednesday is my pinchy/stabby day.

Chiropractor followed by Acupuncture. Two appointments I have weekly to help me maintain my independence. Having a disability really is a full time job…


8 comments on “Hidden Pain

  • Reading this completely reframes my relatively minor aches, pains and struggles. Oddly encouraging for the days when I worry that it is all becoming simply too much to overcome. I am equal parts grateful for your sharing and angry that you have to deal with this.

    “Not all but most” – what is WRONG with people?
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    Liked by 2 people

    • Isn’t that the million dollar question. Don’t ever belittle your own ailments, aches and pains. So, whenever it becomes a little too hard to explain how shitty it is to have a disability I consider its above my pay-grade to explain to idiots. And I’m not getting paid.

      Liked by 1 person

      • GREAT point of view. Since part of what I DO is attempting to explain those “invisible” Executive Functioning struggles to “vanilla” loved ones, I need to remember that some people are simply too self-involved to look outside!

        Above my pay grade – lol – onward and upward.

        Liked by 1 person

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