Family Part 3
Now, it’s a week later since I wrote the previous post, so having lost my train of thought, forgive me if this post seems disjointed. It seems that many people would claim their family is fucked. (had to be said) However, brain injury and disability brings out the worst in families.
You like to imagine, families can put aside their own issues to rally around the person with the shittier situation.
But, No! I have family members that don’t understand my brain injury, don’t want to, or just figure they will get on board ‘Team Helen’ when the only team player (my mum) on Team Helen is no longer here.
My mum is almost seventy now, I love her so and I don’t think it’s fair my much younger sister be expected to take over one day.
My father, who I also love and respect because he’s my father. I only see once or twice a year because I make the effort when in the part of countryside near where he lives. I can never stay over at his house where he has plenty of room, because I’m not having my father help me after my shower. Seems a fair compromise.
If my father has been to Melbourne in the last fifteen years, it doesn’t occur to him to visit and I’m the only daughter of three that has regular contact with him.
I think my family are all in their own world and my mum is the only my family member to spend any significant time with me, to solve problems, do forms or paperwork and now she is older and because her memory has been affected by a rather lengthy medical procedure, if she starts something with me, but takes it home to complete it. It’s not getting done.
She will have every reason under the sun for why I can live with a half-baked solution even if it’s me being $30 short on my income for a debt I rightly don’t have, and she is happy to keep calling every 3 months when the government agency must be contacted to have them not take any more of this from me, but this is how it is. It’s easy for family to ignore what I need because they don’t need those things. They will offer solutions that don’t consider the big picture.
I’m the only person who lives where I live full time and sees the situation in its whole. All the fall out if something is overlooked and the changes to my environment that may impact my health and home. (Referring to build up of moisture in my home from wet laundry or even just if I buy the wrong kind of clothes dryer that leaves more humidity and moisture into my environment) And just how exhausting it is every single night in the colder months to re-hang my washing inside on other racks so they can continue to air-dry inside.
Winter is approaching and it’s looking to be my second winter here without a clothes dryer still having not recovered from buying my front-loader washer a year ago outright.
Now, I’m sure this subject is far from covered, but I’m sure to circle back at another time.
When my mother fell and cracked her skull (literally), she lost the hearing in one ear and most of the hearing in the other. My dad couldn’t understand why she wasn’t the same woman after the injury as she was before. She had find ways, on her own, to get around the problems while being chastised for the things she could no longer do. I tried to explain to my dad that he was only making it worse on her, but it’s hard for people who have never lived with brain damage to understand.
Mom told me that she felt a sense of accomplishment when she could finally go through the steps of writing a letter, putting a stamp on it, walking to the public mailbox 100 feet away, and back to the house again, without forgetting any of the steps. This, from a woman who was once be in the middle of 10 projects at once and never forget where she had left off.
You don’t have an easy path. I’m sure that blogging is a great outlet for you, too. 🙂
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I knew you would understand. And yes sometimes I need to vent. Cheers,H