Hell on Wheels

All posts in the Hell on Wheels category

Review

Published July 21, 2017 by helentastic67

Review time

Review

Because I don’t have enough on my plate! Remember all those things I was advocating? Well, shit just got more real!

Who wants the purest definition of a Permanent Disability? Well, Centrelink, the Government agency that pays my Disability Support Pension. They want to review my pension.

Centrelink

This also requires me to attend a JCA appointment. Sorry another acronym. The worlds in full of them. Job Capacity Assessment.

Firstly, they head up a staircase, I stay at the bottom and say to her (It’s generally a her) I don’t do stairs. She comes back down and we both go up in the lift. It’s like the first test to see if I’m really disabled. One point, Helen, JCA staff – zero.

Stairs

Hopefully they will assess my specialist reports and meet me so I can explain what it’s like just to sit in their office and they will be happy. Permanent is permanent.

Well, as reported recently that Stupidlink did decide I was still eligible for my DSP, it’s just that it took them 18 months to work this out? Maybe not quite that long but it felt that long.

As I like to explain Brain Injury. You can’t unscramble an egg!!!

Unscramble eggs

Spelling

Published July 14, 2017 by helentastic67

Spelling

Spelling

I hate when I spell something so badly, even the auto-correct on your phone can’t help me.

I have been known to suggest ways I could be excused from having to attend an AGM because, Sweet Jesus some I’ve been to are boring as!

Seriously, like waiting for paint to dry or grass to grow. I always suggest I’d prefer watching paint dry, because at least you can get high on the fumes…

Paint drying

Anyway, I have asked what would be a suitable reason to get out of attending, said AGM’s in the future and suggested Chronic Diarrhea? But the retired teacher told me only if I could spell it correctly!

I can be a bit of a spelling Nazi, because in I’m old enough to know the benefits of using words and yet “young enough” to abbreviate when texting and such…

Spelling Nazi

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held out my phone to someone telling them I have never typed in Canbu” because surely by now Not-smart phone you can tell I have a fat thumb and really meant to type Can you! Or the shorter version Can u?

Spelling mistake

Impulse Control

Published July 7, 2017 by helentastic67

Impulse Control

Impulse Control

So, there are times I’m at a clinic where there is little privacy. Such as my acupuncturist and physio work simultaneously. At times, you zone out, like when you work in an open-air office. You hear someone telling the Physiotherapist explaining the pain someone is experiencing is coming from somewhere completely different. After some massage of the affected area, they are sent on their way and I hear them ask “what if it keeps hurting?” And I hear him say to stop what they are doing. My impulse control proves lacking when I mutter from behind the curtain “more pain” insane!

More pain

Other times, a woman asks the younger physio if he’s going to use needles. He joyfully responds “first we’re going to electrocute you! Then we’re going to stab you!” He does dry needling. She murmurs her reply…

Again, waiting to create some humour, I call out “put me down for some of that.” And they laugh

To be clear, I’ve heard that physio use that line dozens of times and I could help it no longer.

Other times my impulse control is very useful for others present.

In my late 20’s I was sitting in a GP’s clinic waiting room in the country. A mum came in with her son, who was about 6 years old, my mum was there also. The young boy asked his mum a very strange question. “Mum, what’s an Orgasm?”

Out of the mouths of babes

Oh, dear God! She looked so uncomfortable. I raised my hand off my knee in a gesture and met her eyes and offered “I can do that one if you like?” She let me take it, but I’m sure she was holding her breathe, I looked at the boy and said “You know when you’re going to sneeze? And it feels really good, but you’re not sure if you’re going to sneeze? It builds up? Eventually you sneeze and you are relieved?”Snee

Sneezing

The boy looked at me like he understood and he seemed happy.

The mum looked equally relieved.

Kinda felt like I’d had an Atticus Finch moment as I’d explained the sensation without divulging too much. He must have heard the word somewhere. (I don’t know where the 6-year-old kid heard the word Orgasm…)

I’m sure my mum thought I’d not have gotten involved. Sometime, I think my problem with certain thoughts work out better than expected….

Noah the end

Incompetence

Published July 5, 2017 by helentastic67

Incompetence

Incompetence

I suspect incompetence does my head in, because while I have a ‘busy-brain’ I imagine it’s part of my ‘high-functioning’ ABI that needs me to be very organised and I cope better when services I rely on are organised too.

My services today were fudged (Go Helen) up in so many ways, this morning I ended up not going to the DDAC (Darebin Disability Advisory Committee) meeting and I was so grumpy when one incompetent staff member (who rang me between) asked how I was, I was blunt and honest and growled ‘NOT Great since you guys stuffed up my carer this morning!’

Incompetent carer

He asked me what happened and I so didn’t have it in me to explain to another person I grumbled ‘NO, you rang me, what for?

Poor bastard!

Eventually I was told a Maria (Carer) would be here ASAP! I presumed it would be my regular who I’ve had the last two mornings.

Twenty minutes later a woman I’d never met arrived who did do a great job despite never having met me before or probably had changed kitty litter before.

No, I don’t use the kitty litter, but my carers change my cat’s kitty litter while I’m in the shower.

Grumpy

 

Irony

Published June 30, 2017 by helentastic67

Irony

Irony

I imagine Irony has taken on a whole new meaning since I’ve developed my disability and it’s going to require some explaining so hang tight and buckle in!

Buckle up

HACC Services provide my carers through State Funding. It subsidises the fees so instead of me paying $40.00 per hour, I only pay $2.00. I get a carer 3 – 4 days a week for an hour and on Fridays I have shopping or Homecare, it all starts to add up.

With the roll-out of the NDIS, the council still gets funding from that bucket of money, but because they will be expected to offer more hours to their clients, they would rather utilise that funding in other ways.

Like ‘Tourism’, apparently, I have no idea! Don’t ask!

tourism

That is another point for another day.

I digress, my council also has a DAC! Sorry, another acronym – Disability Advisory Committee.

It is very heavy on council staff, such as ‘Tourism’ and service providers. However, the irony is this: ‘My council loves people like me to go volunteer my time to share my opinion and input so they can better service their community.

A survey I participated in recently, tells me they are far more interested in not offending the LBTG community, than looking after the people with disabilities and when I say that I’m not meaning any disrespect to Gays (love them) Lesbians (Thespians as I like to call them), bi-sexual (yeah, I know, you just love people to work it out and when you decide, let me know), Transgenders.

LGBT

Be brave! Be who you want to be (anyone else has another opinion, you should do what’s right for you and let everyone else do what’s right for them)

Hope I adequately explain my opinion, quickly and succinctly on all those topics!

The bottom line is I don’t have time to give my time for meaningless surveys.

Survey

Hand

Published June 23, 2017 by helentastic67

 

HandHand

Sensory deprivation is a weird thing. But I can best describe it as this; When I was about 23 years old having a tickle fest with a boyfriend, I was much less ticklish on my left and that was before my “stroke, not stroke.”

stroke

There have been times I’ve been leaning forward digging around my front loader washing machine and I go to slam the door shut and I have an intense pain in my left hand. Crap! My left arm has dangled forward and my hand has found its way inside the door, minor problem, but other times like yesterday, I took an oven tray from the oven, put it on the stove top and moved slightly to the right to work on the small amount of bench space to the right of the stove.

Took me a moment or three to feel an annoyance to my left hand. It was an annoyance until it hurt and I stopped what I was doing to investigate. My left hand was leaning against the tray I removed it and continued with the task at hand. (no pun intended).

Hours later, I was sitting on the couch (seriously, 7 hours later) and I was scratching at an annoyance on my left hand, then I stated rubbing it.

Left Hand burn

Finally, I looked at my hand, yes, I had burnt it and I’d broken the skin.

Cream, bandaid and off to bed.

 

Don't itch

 

So, this is often how sensory or sensation awareness plays out particularly when you’ve lost some…

sensory awareness

 

Spring/Peaches

Published June 16, 2017 by helentastic67

Peaches

Spring/Peaches

There is something I love about where I live, I don’t live in suburbia (Disturbia) but I live far enough out from the city I have plants and rosebushes in the front yard. I even have a lawn and a Nature strip.

But most important, I have a peach tree in front of my bedroom window.

Peach tree 1

Without a doubt towards the end of Winter I will open my bedroom blinds every day to watch the slow-motion nature documentary of the blossoms forming, then opening, being open for what seems like only days before a Spring rain hits and a gust of wind blows it all away.

The blossoms are replaced by green buds from the leaves. The fruit arrives, but they never get a chance to grow to their potential as the locals come and pick the tree clean, before I get any.

Peach tree 3

I have been in bed (on a rare occasion) before midnight and turned out the lights to hear two girls dump a plastic tub down on the ground while exclaiming “Oh my God!” because they can’t believe how much fruit there is.

I’ve crawled out of bed, moved around to the window and growled “Scram!”

Stealing Peaches

Others come at 5pm while I’m lying on my bed in the afternoon having my coffee and they fill their huge grocery bags.

Do you think anyone knocks on my door during daylight? Because if they asked, I would say yes and tell them they’re not ripe and that they’re the type of peaches you peel, chop up and boil before baking them into something.

One year my yield was three bags that went into the freezer. I gave a bag to my sister who told me some time later she found it in her freezer and threw it out!

Why do I bother?

Have a Peachy day

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