All posts tagged Adventure

Scootering Nightmares

Published May 30, 2022 by helentastic67
Wonder if it comes in Red

Scootering Nightmares

Sometimes, on my scootering adventures I encounter obstacles. People blocking footpaths with their prams, dogs lazing across footpaths in front of cafe’s. I always happily go for a pat of doggy ears. Love those soft bits, but I do not have enough insurance to hit pets or babies and occasionally, off the High Street I encounter this – BIN DAY!!!!!!!

Thankfully, I can get off my scooter to move them. I could totally have ploughed through and kicked them onto the road. There were no cars, but I did good adulting.

A couple across the street called out they were going to come over to help me, but I had already moved them. I thanked them and my adventures continued…

Ink Blot

Published April 11, 2022 by helentastic67

Ink Blot!

There are these posts that I put off writing because I never want someone who knows me in real life to look me in the eye and quote any part of it and while I could start this post different ways, here’s how it is.

You know those days a friend off loads all their shit and drama on you within five minutes of walking in the door? No? Just me then?

Well, I’m just warning people the next time this happens, I may cut them off with this. If you get through the day and you didn’t end up in your ensuite with your pants down around your ankles, your Thundies around your knees with poo (You heard me) on them and your face on the floor in the corner.

Oh, both shoes off, your AFO still half on (Being the reason you fell off the toilet in the first place) and this is the clincher. An ink blot poo stain on your floor and poo on the wall (still not sure how that got there), then you have what we call first world problems. Sometimes a friend will tell me, ‘Oh Helen, everyone has problems.’

From now on I will direct them to the above highlighting ‘ink blot’. It’s a great image, isn’t it? If you’re not sure what it is, it’s the weird prints on the wall in a shrinks’ office walls, clients (sorry) ask “what is that anyway?” and the shrink returns, “It’s whatever you think it is.”

Usual answers

“Oh! It’s 2 people making love”
Or “It’s a butterfly”
Or “2 cows”

There’s nothing worse than being on the floor in a compromising position and having to work through what you must do in order to get up. That’s that!

I need to eventually roll over onto my right, straight onto my ass, naked ass, I will add, knowing exactly how cold that would be and then wriggle over to the hand basin. More wriggling, onto my knees, right elbow on hand basin then after pulling the second strap off my AFO, try to wiggle my left foot behind me and lever myself up.

Mostly, my right side leads on these adventures and I demand my left leg eventually pulls some weight. Add Pine O’ Clean, toilet cleaner/Napisan and Sard stain treatment, clean Thundies and pants and some serious cleaning in Aisle 2 (Don’t overthink it!) and I’m upright and ready to face the day.

Yeah! This happens to be the best of us and if someone tells you this kind of story, don’t pardon the pun – It’s pretty shitty.

I once had a carer arrive on a Saturday morning and when she saw my ensuite she asked, “What happened here?”

I’m telling you, I cleaned the bathroom, so there was no evidence of what had transpired in there the night before. I explained and to say it was of some similarity to the above and she asked, “Did you just sit on the floor and cry?”

I’m not saying you don’t want to, but it doesn’t help. You gotta plan your attack, do what you have to do to get up/get cleaned up/clean up the bathroom and get dressed.

If all you can do is get into bed to sleep off the trauma, you should. But sitting on the floor in self-pity doesn’t help.


Clayton’s Holiday

Published September 23, 2019 by helentastic67

Clayton’s Holidays

There was a drink back in the 80’s and I has become part of Aussie Pop Culture references that crosses all things. The ad was for a drink (beverage) called Claytons.

It refers to it being the drink when you don’t feel like having a drink. A drink without being alcoholic. So, this is a post about a Clayton’s holiday. Get it?

About five years ago, I was with an agency that arranged holidays (group holidays) for their clients. I was able to and included on two holidays, which was really nice as I think it’s been about ten years since I actually had a holiday and even then, that was to Tasmania for two-three nights.

So, the group holidays work out to be only a half day drive from Melbourne and only away over night or two. The other client’s range in age from five (one client’s daughter) to sixty-five (maybe). There were two mini buses with wheelchair lifts on the back (two wheelchairs in the back of each) and usually a car.

I usually bags the front seat of the mini bus (I will do a polishing motion on my backside and one of the carers will effortlessly lift me and deposit me in my seat). Yeah, I do that sexual harassment for the ladies. But I won’t allow a male carer to man-handle the goods. (I’m not light these days, but one lady just effortlessly lifted me making me feel so light.)

Being on a little get away with a bunch of strangers and three or four carers means you have a polite but temporary family type experience.

I always pitch in to help prep a salad or something in the evening as we usually stay somewhere we have a shared meal where ever we stay on the first night, as most meals are eaten out.

The first holiday I went to we stopped on the way back to Melbourne at an outer Melbourne suburb for a lunch and a little adventure.

A friend lived there, so I suggested they join me, so I could catch up with them. Said friend had recently been diagnosed with something quite nasty. They are still in that honeymoon stage of diagnosis where they have had the sugar-coated version of their diagnosis. Goes something like this “OH, you only have 3 lesions…”

Note, privacy being maintained here, yeah. This medical condition is such that when people hear I have a brain injury, I tell them, “Hey! It’s okay, this is my bottom line right now. At least I don’t have XYZ.” Because XYZ is degenerative. It gets worse. It gets shitty. I just gets’ worse.

So, this friend joined my little group of holiday buddies and I briefly introduced them to the group. I’m going to say, I’m terrible with names and I’ve been around this group of people with disabilities now a few years, so in a little desensitized re: medical conditions.

My introduction went like this;

“Brain Injury, MS, Stroke, Stroke, Oxygen deprived at birth (Brain Injury) etc, etc”. And I finished with referring to one particular person in a wheelchair (of which there were five) but the last person I pointed to had the XYZ my non-holiday friend has. “That will be you one day” and they paled considerably.

To be continued

Judgement – Part 2

Published August 16, 2019 by helentastic67


Judgement – Part 2

On a more humorous front and when I do so call “Judgement” I do it with subtlety. This is a watch and learn teaching moment. But in reading form.

About ten years ago, I was on a train on a Saturday morning with my then boyfriend, going to Preston to the markets. Saturday morning’s I set the standard if we were going, we would have to be there by 10am and out of there by 11am.

After that time, it was pointless being there because it is full of bargain hunters who try to get that last-minute special. My plan is to get there, hit it hard, then get the hell out of there and get home.

When I do the market, it’s generally vegies, meat, fresh pasta, rice, nuts, passata, meat, coffee/fresh biscuits, deli olives, cheese, fresh bread and did I mention meat? If I don’t spend at least $100 and stock up my fridge and freezer, I’ve wasted my time. Remember, I’m making my Nona proud.












My boyfriend hated going because he couldn’t work out where everything was and he had the job of pushing the shopping trolley (which you could easily wheel it behind you on its two wheels) but he was a little too tall and because literally five minutes after we got there he would need to use the bathroom. He had the ‘bladder like a sieve’. I mentioned his sense of direction, I would walk behind him and call out directions like a military Sargent, “Left” or “Right” when it was necessary for him to change directions.

I always found it quite humorous although he obviously hated being micromanaged as men do. However, I used to make our adventures so he would cope better.

Usually I would have to convince the boyfriend to return to the Preston Markets, which we would generally go once a month and I did this by way of his pocket. As it’s the language that directly speaks to men. “We can go to the supermarket and spend $200 or we can go to the Market and spend only $100, so we would go to the markets.

I would go to the supermarket weekly to get the groceries and he would refund me. I digress, oh my God, went way out of left field on this on. Kinda feel like the judgement part” is the punch line.

On the train journey there, we went five or six stops from home in Clifton Hill at the time, we encountered all kinds of people. People going to work, people going home, people going home from clubbing the night before. The really seedy types who looked like they had slept in their clothes on a park bench in the city, who looked a little worse for wear for their efforts.

One morning, a guy in his 20’s walked down the train isle towards us, who fitted into the latter category. T-shirt (dirty), jeans (dirty), messy hair and runners. As he headed in our direction, I turned my head slightly towards my right (where my boyfriend was seated) and muttered “haircut and belt.” He had seen him coming, also and made a little noise.

See? Subtle! (bitchy, sure) but subtle. And not every bit of commentary is for public consumption.


Today’s Lunch – 29th August 2018

Published August 29, 2018 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

First, I must share my adventures of yesterday. That being Tuesday. I went on a trip down memory lane! I went “South-aside!” That will mean much more when I get around to writing my post on basic 101 of Melbourne and many, many months before my posts catch up on the backlog I’ve already written. However, in short, I went to a part of Melbourne where I thrived back in my 20’s in Prahran and South Yarra! (Pronounced Prah-Ran! And South-Yarrah) Good times for sure! Chapel street once a thriving cultural shopping hub is now rather lacking and my friend Susanne and I went on a mission to A) Relive my memories. B) find me a new streetwear bag and without meaning to. C) unravel the mystery of why Chapel Street has died? (Many shops are vacant)


Let me say, tick, tick and tick! Mission accomplished.

A. So many shops no longer exist! Sad face. One shop does still exist and when I walked in I was greeted by a very familiar face, bearded now and rather grey, he said he had only recently been thinking of me. It was Jeremy from Shag! (Not kidding!) the Windsor end of Chapel street became cool around the time Grant and Jeremy opened their pilot ship store back in the mid-90’s and I lived very close so often just after closing I would return and go upstairs where they lived at the time and Grant previously a hairdresser would do my plaits in the style I often wore in clubs and on one occasion a serious bee-hive! Also, around this time I decided only gay hairdressers should do my hair! Going to return to this methodology later this year. Attempted with Jeremy to give him the cliff-notes (short version) of what’s happened to Helen’s arm? Sorry, there is no short version.

Beehive do

B. Got my new bag in the last shop we went into and only $20. Done! (False alarm, the shoulder strap is not nearly long enough! Crap!)

New bag

C. We decided with the gentrification of the area and the obvious older population dying off, or selling up and moving on, a new generation has moved in. Apartments have gone up everywhere! I found the 90’s living in that area, the clubs, the street culture, the music scenes and perhaps the lack of the blond Kardashians, also the era where you would go out to dinner at one location and go to a club elsewhere, even a recovery somewhere else. Not even in the same area. Imagine being trapped in the one venue with the same people all night! This is the reality now with lock-out laws. Choose your own adventure gone to hell. In short, the yuppies moved in. Then complained when in the morning they would find someone had vomited in their doorstep and defecated! They would bitch/whinge and moan about it and the things that made the neighbourhood cool would disappear when rent would price the cool people out of the market! Hello, I’ve got my hand up! Lesson Number 1! If an area is really cool don’t live there! Go socialise there, party there. Then fuck off back to the suburbs whence you came.! Problem solved!


Anyway, eventually settled on a location for lunch and had great gnocchi with something-something beef and mushroom ragout, with shaved Parmesan. I know, I forgot, so no picture, instead here’s a beautiful picture of my fur-baby Mika!


D. (There is now a D) I did 8,000+ steps! Just to remind you a normal person should do 10,000 steps a day. So, having a disability and mostly I don’t get anywhere near that. Smashed it! And back in the 90’s I would have done more than that every Tuesday as it was the day I did my rounds on Chapel Street and Grenville Street, back in the day.

8000 steps

Tell me if you liked this extra little bit about what I like to call, Original Helen? Life from a lifetime ago. Before what life is like now.

So, while this has not even my normal offering on a Wednesday, it was a bit more into the life and times of Hellonwheels and definitely good for my mental health!

So, Today’s offering, a nice Moroccan chicken salad with turmeric and a little sweet treat called the Montague and Capulet plus my medicine!

Morrocan Chicken

Montague and Capulet











Hump day

Today’s Lunch – 23rd May 2018

Published May 23, 2018 by helentastic67


Todays lunch 1

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Meeting a friend

It’s funny how my weeks pan out at times. Every week is the usual crazy. But this week, I’ve managed to make it more social. So, Monday.  Had lunch close to home with a friend. This is my lunch and hers.
Little HenrysLittle Henrys 1









Tuesday, had planned to go to another place a little further with a friend who has just returned from a holiday in Cuba, I always invite her to visit and I take her on an adventure and I love that she is open to doing different things. We have done the tulip festival, visited my Mr Miyagi, many, many lunches, we have visited a large bonsai supplier, and the day was no different. While, the intended location of lunch was not open we went for a wander and came across a cafe that we both enjoyed a vegetable curry. Mine came with a roti folded in the shape of a napkin.

Vegetable CurryRoti










We had a discussion that my Wednesday posts have already hit a Arancini slump I fall into for winter. So, in my efforts to change things up a little, I hope you enjoyed these pictures for something completely different.

And finally, today’s offering, Moroccan chicken and turmeric rice salad.
And my standard medicine!

Chicken and rice













Published February 23, 2018 by helentastic67



I confess to say, I don’t often go out for lunch or dinner or anything else exciting. Obviously, that is to say I go to my favourite café every Wednesday where I’m writing this post right now. But I mean other than that.

I have a few friends that take me out occasionally each year and those adventures, I really appreciate.


Firstly, these were the characters I called friend that day and for obvious reasons, I’ve also taken the liberty of creating acronyms.

There’s the oldest in the party who was very anxious and socially awkward that day, feeling she was over dressed. Let’s call her (A.S.A.). Then, there was the youngest, a jeweller, the only one in real life, the tallest. Let’s call her the Giant.


These two have been housemates for the better part of twenty years, so they have back catalogue of experiences and conversations only they share. I’m already the third wheel with these two and these two stayed at my house the night before and escorted me to lunch.

House mates

The other two characters are best described as Miss Piggy (self-confessed, I didn’t say it) and the down to earth surfy chic. (who is not a leggy blond) Sorry guys.

I often feel socially awkward around these friends, it’s a bit passive/aggressive and I seem the only one who is aware that some of them are rather grumpy with one of the others. Miss Piggy to be exact. But we all catch up so rarely everyone puts on a happy face.

Socially Awkward

I should mention it’s a week before Christmas and it’s a Christmas gathering. I feel like I get a lot of criticism from the moment the day starts and as two of them get ready at my home, I’m aware Miss Piggy and the Surfer Chic have probably made a bet as to, if we will be late or not as we have the lesser distance to travel and if we’re late I will somehow be to blame. I booked a carer at the appropriate time, so I would be ready to go without any assistance.

being late


Hot off the Press – 23rd October 2017

Published October 23, 2017 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press 2310

Hot off the Press

Monday! Such an early start when some SOB (scratch that) person! Rang my doorbell! I again presume my landlady who should be aware I could drop down and ring her doorbell at 2am when I go to bed and I won’t attempt to rush down her front stairs or if I did I could injure myself. Ah, I guess if I injure myself it’s their fault? Just checking.

Insurance? Ka-Ching! Not worth it but I’m having a little internal chuckle. Game on! So, cannot wait to move!


Busy day, adventure to neighbouring suburb. On the povo-trail as I call it. (Povo, short for poverty)
I skipped my Osteo appointment so I could make sure I would be at my best to go see a property close by. It’s cheaper and has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms! Ok, one less bedroom than here. No street view, backyard or grass anywhere, and a smaller balcony than my current backyard. But a potential home for my new cat? Warm in Melbourne, have I ever mentioned 25 is my happy place for warm weather? I am such an old lady remind me what happened to spring?

Poverty trail

Tuesday! Starting to get better with having breakfast before my carer every other week when I have my massage at home, after we went for coffee.
Oops! Did it again!

Almond CrossiantLatte








Saw my GP, had lots on his list today. Turns out there is no test for diagnosing Thorasic Outlet Syndrome, it’s only a clinic diagnosis. So, I just need that in writing please so I can have NDIA to fund my Osteo, Mio/remedial needs Funding? Mmmmmmmm……. Caught a tram home, I got out part way to visit some shops (all walking distance.) Did some hunter/gathering and decided to walk home via a visit with Wilbur.


Oh, also had some time with this bit of fluff, Frankie whose dad told me he must really like me. Although this is Frankie ignoring me. His dad had gone inside to order and return with more doggy treats.


Made it home in one piece with 5,300+ on my pedometer. So buggered didn’t help that it was rather warm today.

Wednesday, my standard Punchy/stubby day without the shabby part. My acupuncturist is away rubbing shoulders with political minds. Dropped in for a visit with Bella. No joy. Scootered home and dropped in for a visit with Matt, who has developed the 9 apartments down the street with his wife and friend. Shared some photos of cars. I don’t drive, but I like a nice car. Here are some photos of the car Matt had worked on earlier that day.

Austin1st Car








By the end of the day I networked and shared some photos of my uncle’s cars. He has restored.

2nd Car2nd Car 12nd Car 2









Otherwise, just some nice photos of cars for you if that’s your thing. (It should not be imagined that I have money, am related to people with money, or have friends with money.) Just an appreciation for nice cars I will never drive.

Ah, must mention before I move on, at the start of the day I couldn’t feel my left foot and most of my left leg and side.  By about 2pm I could as it had started to hurt, stock standard day really. By the end of the day, ok almost Midnight, I’ve realised it’s almost the end of the year in the bigger scheme of things and I’m wondering if it’s normal I’ve only seen one family member all year! Thank God for my mum, right? I haven’t seen my two sisters or my father. I have two cousins in Melbourne. One of which I wouldn’t mind seeing at more than funerals. Again, is this weird?

Weird family

Have I mentioned, my home is so hot in the warmer months that I have to put anything that melts into the fridge. Chocolate, Nutella and now, coconut oil! It’s completely liquidified. It’s time to move!
Does anybody believe in the concept of ‘Timing?” This week marks the passing of me applying for my 4th apartment this year. And knowing I can’t give notice to vacate until I find my new home,because, I can’t just live in any flat, unit, apartment, whatever. I don’t drive, so can’t live miles away from transport or my (well, let’s not mince words: Clifton Hill and my fav cafe and stomping ground) and I can’t do stairs or a shower over the bath and electric stovetop, etc. etc. Today I found out I got a place and now I can give notice! I can even start stalking my next fur-baby, by Christmas!

Melting chocolate

Wow! That didn’t take long…… Life can’t let you be happy for a single God damn minute can it? Believing the Universe will look after things all goes to hell.

Welcome to my Friday, where I have mentioned the Wheels fell off! My replacement carer for my Homecare/shopping my only Foodie Prep shift cancelled sick. The agency didn’t have a replacement, I outsourced myself to my newest agency and was very lucky to get someone for only 2 hours towards the end of the day.

So, I pulled up my big-girl pants and got on Hellonwheels got a jaunt to the other supermarket I live in-between two major supermarkets. Near (it will be my milk bar when I move. Won’t even need my scooter) got half of my shopping list and on the way home stopped at my old real estate. Gave notice! Thinking I should have waited a few more days as the new apartment won’t be available until the 18th and I need a few days to arrange carpets and cleaning to be done before my notice is up here. Family politics doing my head in. Again, seriously thinking to spend Christmas at home alone. With my new fur-baby. No, haven’t gone to meet any new cats, just know I’ll be getting one ASAP!
Finishing the week feeling flat and sad.

Going shopping

Saturday. No medicine! Must be dying not to fit in a coffee!

No Coffee

Sunday, skipped lunch to squeeze in my medicine. Then had lunch for dinner, happy Sunday. Half a comic was read this week. Comics didn’t rate high on the priority list this week. I’ll catch up in a few to be sure.


Have my NDIS review this week! I will finally have the meeting with an actual Planner about my “Goals” pity I didn’t get this meeting a year ago. I don’t know how they imagine I can find my way to knowing what my Goals might be when money is so tight. I would be happy to start with if they paid for my shoes, my chiropractor and my Shrink. As well as continue to pay for my carers…… I can start to breathe a little. Then, maybe I can consider some Goals.
Another big week to come.


Happy week

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