anxiety

All posts tagged anxiety

Things to Miss: Fred!

Published February 19, 2016 by helentastic67

Things to miss 3

There are many things I miss from the era before I developed my disability and I’m not referring to the stuff you would miss because you can no longer do them, because sooner or later  you can’t go clubbing all night and not feel like crap the next day even if you don’t drink. That shit happens because you have gotten older and I miss feeling like a valued member of society. I miss intellectual conversations with people.

Once upon a time, I worked for an N.G.O.  as I will have mentioned and a supervisor came to me with a problem. I gave him the answer, he didn’t want. That was “NO!” Then he had a follow up question to circumvent the first answer. To which he got a further answer of “Yes, but NO!” then for safe keeping I answered his next 4 questions; something like this “Yes, no, no, no, yes, no!” I know I could tell you the scenario to help you better understand and while it was 10 years ago, I no-longer recall the clients name but let’s call him Fred!(was definitely not Fred) but recall the situation perfectly, it’s not going to help you to bore you with all the details.

His response to my answers was “What was that for?” And I told him they were the answers to his next 4 questions because I knew exactly where he was going with his line of questioning. The moral of the story was Fred had been lax in starting his obligation. He could not come back as a new referral for the outstanding hours he had missed before his contract ended. He could come back for a whole new obligation before he would be eligible for the allocated funding to go toward studies & further training. Hope you can tell from this that I knew my stuff, despite the terminology I’ve just used. (Obligation/contract,etc)

I do miss those days. I miss having people respect my knowledge and think to ask me for my wisdom.

FYI: My mum hates it when I do this even though I think it slightly amuses her…That is to predict her questions and answer them before she has had a chance to ask.

My Left Arm Doesn’t Work

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

IMG_2116

Every day, there’s something new to detest about having a disability. There’s just different ways with how to deal (or not) with how it affects you mentally.

As yet, I haven’t told you what my disability is, I know Soz Bro (my carer gave me this one today) but to give you an idea. My left arm does not work. I’ve lost my eyesight and about 5 shitty things later, I also suffer anxiety and depression. They weren’t first but to be clear they don’t help!

So the situation looks like this, I work on my left arm and hand all the time. All the time, when I’m sitting on the couch, on the tram, lying in bed trying to sleep.

ALL THE TIME! When I’m anxious. I also out of habit use my nails too long so I do my absolute best to trim them so I don’t scratch my good hand while I try to exercise my bad hand…

My carer has recently commented I have very short nail beds on my left hand.

I thought about this overnight and realised sometimes when the beautician files those nails to clean up the mess I’ve created, they hurt and I realise I can feel them…

So this gets to my point – finally. I can’t tell that I’m hurting myself when I trim my own finger nails!

I was a nail biter for my first 34 years! And it’s another story for another day. But my point right now is back then I NEVER BITE MY NAILS SO BADLY I COULDN’T FEEL IT!

2.30am

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

2.30am

2.30am

There’s a really shitty thing about having a disability, there’s not lots of ‘good things that happen in your life. It’s just more shit things in varying degrees of more shit.

It’s not that I’m always being negative, it’s just really hard to put a positive spin on ‘shit!’

Example; A few weeks ago I had a review for my application for Public Housing. And it seemed that all of a sudden I might not even be eligible because I earn too much! WHAT THE FUDGE???

It seems I earn $12.30 too much per week. I’m not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. I pay my rent, I pay my bills and I get no funding. I go shopping and while I’m not extravagant I’ve started to do what I call the ‘Povo-shop’ which is to only buy the things on the shopping list and to watch the total at the register with my heart in my throat.

So you can see it’s hard to sugar coat it! It’s hard to put a positive spin on living day to day this way.

And then often friends don’t know how to respond. Trust me, I know it’s horrible, which is why I mostly don’t say anything, but if I say something, I’m not telling you so will offer to fix my problems. I don’t know what would fix my problems.

Please just have some empathy.

It looks like this; don’t say nothing, say something. It might be something really simple like this:

“I’m really sorry, it sucks! I didn’t know it was that bad, let me know if I can do anything…..”

Just so you know, I rarely ask for help, so don’t be afraid I’ll call on you for anything but a chat…

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