All posts tagged Clubs

Online Dating

Published March 6, 2020 by helentastic67

Online Dating…. Arghh

I know I covered the Barren Spinster thing, but I didn’t as yet cover the dating with a disability thing. Until now.

After a few years of being single, I tried consciously to do the online dating thing.

Sweet Jesus! The Millennial’s! Can we blame them for that?

I mean, I did the clubs thing back in the 90’s, I was out there, I had exposure and nothing. Most of my 20’s, single.

Can you think of the top three questions you get asked doing the online dating? Please imagine my profile mentioned I did not drink, imagine it was something akin to personality. I wasn’t looking or interested in a quick sleaze. I wanted that eventually, but not from someone old enough to by my dad.


Question 1, What do you do? I tell them I’m retired. (to avoid catfishing, I quickly follow with retired, but poor) and I do advocacy for people with disabilities. Let me tell you what they want? 1. A quick shag, almost on order like Uber Eats. Cringe!

Older guys want Jennifer Aniston, wearing a tiny bikini while lying on the beach drinking a beer.

  • Are these men A-Grade specimens of man? Deserving of a Jennifer Aniston? Don’t be ridiculous.

Original Helen/New Helen

Published January 18, 2016 by helentastic67

old & new Helen

Original Helen/New Helen


Once upon a time, Helen worked in clubs! Actually it was all of my 20’s! And when I say ‘worked’ I mean I kept myself busy for drink cards, CD’s and pocket money.

I guess my 20’s was an era I had started discovering great music, friendly people and a way to go out and have fun and I had an excuse to break through the shyness.

Hear me when I say I was the most clean living person there! With the possible exception of eating meat and wearing leather! I barely drank, didn’t smoke and didn’t do drugs!

And really, your 20’s. I was still working out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I still am…

But I do like to be busy…

So, once upon a time, one of my promoters came up to me telling me his very pretty female friends were being ‘hit!’ By some seriously drunk guy!

I poised on the “suggestion” to security to remove this offensive human being. The security guy looked at me like what was he supposed to do about it?

Frustrated I let the situation ride for a little.

My promoter again reported the offensive behaviour was continuing…

Lesson #1 Here is; “sometimes the best fuck off line in a club is “FUCK OFF!” I’m just saying…

Lesson #2 I took care of my people and sometimes I did so rather, creatively because I looked after my people for the enjoyment of all our regulars and I suspect the people I worked for might have been a little grumpy about what I did, I imagine they were happy they got their cover charge and he was so drunk and he probably shouldn’t have been let in or served further alcohol…

So, here’s what I did;

I went up to this guy and said ‘hello’ I’m pretty sure I introduced myself and definitely certain he would not remember it because he was smashed… He spoke to me and I could barely understand a word he said. I took his hand and asked if he was there with friends or had a bag or jacket with him? He kept mumbling the same thing.

Finally worked out what he said “Hi! My name’s Simon! I just want to be with you!”

I took him by the hand and led him down the stairs.

Occasionally he tugged at my hand and I looked back to work out what was keeping him…

There were 4 flights of stairs. He kept stopping to chug back a beer…

WTF Simon! What good would he have been to me anyway?

Once down on the ground floor I walked him to the door. At the top of the last 3 steps the new security guy stood looking up at me….

I told Simon to go down the steps and wait.

What? He was too drunk to know I wasn’t going to follow…. And didn’t…

The security took his drink off him as is the law. The club exited onto an alley way off a laneway…

I told the security guy not to let him back in. Simon apparently returned several times with discarded bank ATM receipts and all kinds of rubbish try to get back in…

The following Friday night I worked reception for a different crowd and the same security guy was on.

He gave me the best compliment I have ever received!

He told me “That’s what clubs need. Some hot chick who just takes guys by the hand and walk them out.”

I was so underpaid at that job!

And despite it being a great story when you go for a ‘real job’ interview this is not the kind of story they want to hear, when giving an example of when you ‘took initiative’ at work. To which I never did.

Stay tuned for more stories about Original Helen!


%d bloggers like this: