All posts tagged doctor


Published March 29, 2021 by helentastic67

Botox, the Bottom Line

So here we are again, so are the days of our lives!

I’m off for my 4-6 weekly pilgrimage to my GP. He is often/usually/generally/ always my first point of call for getting stuff I need (handy hint!).

Today I’m going to be asking him to help me advocate for me to get more Botox in my leg. I know it all sounds great to put it in your face, however I think it’s a waste of money for 30-somethings to spend, in order to age slowly.

Young people! If this is you? We all age the same, we all go in the ground eventually and Botox is the most toxic thing you can put in your body. I’m just saying, don’t do it for vanity. It’s better for people who need it for medical reasons armpits, legs, arms, etc.

Now, you may imagine Helen seems to have it together when she needs stuff and she has a voice and words, so why do I need my GP for this?

Well firstly, when people want you for a trial that can give them research money and good results (Pick Helen!!). When the research is done, why didn’t you give what you promised? The hinged AFO the appropriate shoes and the overall result being not to need a knee replacement one day.

That is the bottom line for me needing Botox in my left leg. They tell me I don’t need Botox, they even tell me since I now have the correct AFO and shoes.

Yeah! Thank you NDIS (not)!

And I don’t let them forget it! They double down and tell me I don’t get sock fluff build up inside my AFO, so I mustn’t need Botox. Then they even mention I haven’t had it since 2017. Therefore, I really mustn’t need it.


Published January 6, 2020 by helentastic67


There is never enough when you have a brain injury. Never enough. Add, crazy bitch hormones as I call them, the Peri-menopausal hot flushes, sliding into the pause.

More sleep, much, much more sleep.

But, finally following up on my visit to the clinic. Yeah, I’ve been busy and am now circling back to the thing. I had to go to an older building that is on the same block as the St Vincent’s Hospital in Fitzroy. Seen this entrance for years wondering what was in there. Well, now I know.

I went in a little early, off Nicholson Street and was shown to my “room”. Mum had been to a sleep clinic in the country and told me it would be like a self-contained hotel room.

Mine, no it wasn’t. The room had a single bed – expected. An armchair, nice place to put suitcase and sit to take off shoes and AFO’s – check. A small hand basin, oh nice. Where was the bathroom? Apparently, there were only three of us in the inn that night, me and two men and I got the room closest to the ‘Men’s’ bathroom.

Super! Where’s the lady’s bathroom? Oh great, no shoes or AFO’s. I’ve gotta go for a nice long walk to the lady’s bathroom. Past the waiting room, finished with a big vinyl chair in Orange.

Now, I’m a kid of the 70’s, we had an orange car.

And an orange kitchen bench. (Yes, mum! I hear your voice, it was Mandarin) Sue me! I’ll let you be the judge.

The Doctor who was showing me around was the same age as me and we bonded over the orange of our childhoods.

You know those moments you meet people and if you meet them in completely different circumstances, you might become friends.

We bonded over the fact that neither of us live with other people. I bluntly stated “I fucking hate people!” She laughed and said I was her spirit animal.



Impulse Control

Published July 7, 2017 by helentastic67

Impulse Control

Impulse Control

So, there are times I’m at a clinic where there is little privacy. Such as my acupuncturist and physio work simultaneously. At times, you zone out, like when you work in an open-air office. You hear someone telling the Physiotherapist explaining the pain someone is experiencing is coming from somewhere completely different. After some massage of the affected area, they are sent on their way and I hear them ask “what if it keeps hurting?” And I hear him say to stop what they are doing. My impulse control proves lacking when I mutter from behind the curtain “more pain” insane!

More pain

Other times, a woman asks the younger physio if he’s going to use needles. He joyfully responds “first we’re going to electrocute you! Then we’re going to stab you!” He does dry needling. She murmurs her reply…

Again, waiting to create some humour, I call out “put me down for some of that.” And they laugh

To be clear, I’ve heard that physio use that line dozens of times and I could help it no longer.

Other times my impulse control is very useful for others present.

In my late 20’s I was sitting in a GP’s clinic waiting room in the country. A mum came in with her son, who was about 6 years old, my mum was there also. The young boy asked his mum a very strange question. “Mum, what’s an Orgasm?”

Out of the mouths of babes

Oh, dear God! She looked so uncomfortable. I raised my hand off my knee in a gesture and met her eyes and offered “I can do that one if you like?” She let me take it, but I’m sure she was holding her breathe, I looked at the boy and said “You know when you’re going to sneeze? And it feels really good, but you’re not sure if you’re going to sneeze? It builds up? Eventually you sneeze and you are relieved?”Snee


The boy looked at me like he understood and he seemed happy.

The mum looked equally relieved.

Kinda felt like I’d had an Atticus Finch moment as I’d explained the sensation without divulging too much. He must have heard the word somewhere. (I don’t know where the 6-year-old kid heard the word Orgasm…)

I’m sure my mum thought I’d not have gotten involved. Sometime, I think my problem with certain thoughts work out better than expected….

Noah the end

Music To My Ears

Published December 5, 2016 by helentastic67


Music to My Ears

Oh minimalist industrial German techno! It’s been so long. I had an MRI (Magnetic Resonating Imaging) yesterday and that is the best way I’ve heard the noise made by the MRI machine, so that how I’ve described it ever since.


The specialist appointment I had several weeks ago now was supposed to result in an MRI but, best laid plans and all that! But my regular monthly appointment with my GP Dr Chris last Tuesday sorted it out in only 6 days.

My GP is a genius, more about him another day, but in the meantime, I thought I’d give a little ‘non-doctor’ advice about what to expect when you go for tests like an MRI.

Mostly, I’ve had a few in the last 10 years so my response is very ‘Meh!’ (Shrugs) Whatever: Next!

But for me, I know what to expect, so on a very rare occasion someone I know tells me they are going for a test or procedure that I’m the person to explain what’s going to happen and what to expect. Sometimes, knowing helps relieve the anxiety. So, I think my next few posts will be about that!

Here’s what to expect for an MRI.

It gives more detail than a CT scan, but I won’t elaborate because I don’t speak enough “DOCTOR!”

The first part is pre-planning, you get this part right, it’s a whole lot easier when you get there.

Take out your piercings (don’t argue, just do it) I have 3 piercings in my ears. That’s it! And I wear a light chain around my neck.

Don’t wear any metal objects. I live in tracksuit pants these days. NOT daggy ones, but not dry-clean only either.

Yesterday, I filled in 4 pages of questionnaire. The barrage of questions is intense.

It’s a bit of a tick and flick affair. Even for me things like, any pacemakers, stents? Surgeries? Is there any chance you could be pregnant? Um? If I had a dollar for every time I’d been asked that in the last 10 years and are you breast feeding? I hope you have all read my profile stating I’m a single celibate barren spinster? Well, that’s the answer for that one! Tattoos? I don’t have tattoos so I don’t know what that would do for the people covered in them. I like a good tattoo. I always meant to get one, just didn’t yet?


So generally. You go in, change your top half of clothing and put on a gown and then you usually lie down on a bed that is slightly curved to fit your body. It’s quite comfortable. Your head sits between a slightly raised frames. They give you a squeezy thing that is like an emergency button, so you can tell them if you need stuff. (Not like a cup of tea, but if you don’t feel well or can’t cope)


Love it when this bubble-thing that is offered to my left hand because that hand is going to do big fat nothing! Yes it happens! If they offer you a blanket, take it! They will give you some ear plugs (foam disposables) and wedge some bits of foam near your ears so your head won’t move.

Usually a plastic foam is pushed down over the top and if you’re lucky there is music. (Besides the minimalist German Industrial Techno) and above your face inside the MRI machine, sometimes theirs a mirror so you can see a clock or timer down on the wall beyond your feet.

Sometimes it’s just nice to have something to focus on.

If you’re especially lucky they will talk to you throughout the scans. It might only take 15 – 20 minutes but each scan might only be 4 minutes long. If they give you warning be sure to swallow. Makes you self-conscious that if and when you swallow your head will move. I can guarantee you during that 20 minutes you will get an itch somewhere and a hiccup or an itchy throat. It’s Murphy’s Law.

Don’t get grumpy if you have a set appointment time for your MRI and then find yourself waiting. Some people may be anxious or claustrophobic or have an epileptic fit and they have to come out to calm down before returning to their scans.

Be patient! All I’m saying.

Afterwards, you will get back into your clothes and maybe wait 5 – 10 minutes before departing. Some places will hand you a CD of your scans. Only Doctors have the software to see the scans and your referring doctor will get the results.

Sometimes, if they need to see your arteries they will inject you with a small amount of iodine or contrast. (Without getting too “Doctor”)

This is often injected into the back of your hand or inside your elbow.

The iodine some people can have an allergic reaction to. My experiences have been that other scans (yet to react) I’ve felt nausea and vomiting but small doses it’s OK.

One miraculous sensation is a nice warm flush that travels to your groin. Super! Kinda has that sensation you may have “pee’d” (just a little). Don’t worry, everybody feels that sensation. The best comment from a technician was that ‘no one in his experience has actively “pee’d”. That technician has been working at the same place for 20 years. So I trust his judgement.

The iodine or contrast usually absorbs into your system very quickly, so you needn’t panic. It’s good to drink a little water before you leave and that it’s nothing to freak out about…. Yet!!!



Published December 8, 2015 by helentastic67

Diagnosis 2


“Now tell me, what’s wrong with you?” a shoulder specialist asked me once. You might immediately think my shoulder, correct? Since that was his specialty.

But there’s that thing all medical personal do when ‘assess you!’

To which I replied “How long have you got?”

But first I must digress.

In my early 30’s as you may have read I was working as an Admin Assistant for an NGO. You know, “Admin” it’s that term meaning you do EVERYTHING that is delegated to you and some for really crappy pay.

Oh, I loved that job! I was really good at that job!

Anyway, work became stressful (another time) and my left arm which had always “worked” lost some of its strength and dexterity…

I struggled to touch type, so I hid this by typing very efficiently one handed and tried to hide my weak left arm by sitting my elbow on the desk or in my lap. If I answered the phone left handed I really knocked myself out putting the phone to my ear…

I had a colleague who had a son my age with MS, No! I don’t have MS (Multiple Sclerosis)

Honestly, I think that would be worse than what I have…

So, everyday Tony, my colleague would ask me if I’d seen my doctor yet?

What? I don’t have a doctor…

Actually I had a GP, whom I didn’t like much, so I got a new GP not long before and made a list.

On the bottom I said list was my left arm! I explained the occasional weakness that I’d had for years that came and went…

His response was immediate and he didn’t seem to need any further explanation.

He stated “Ok, let’s get a CT scan!”

I was a little surprised. Booked the appointment not knowing what to expect and went one morning on my way to work.

They injected ‘contrast’ into my arm and when I loaded myself up with all of my bags and carefully navigated the stairs to get back down to the ground floor. The technician watched me very carefully…

I could do stairs rather easily back then, but words from the wise, when the technician watches you like a hawk, he knows something already that you don’t know!

And it’s probably not good new…

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