I had a dream yesterday; well I dream a lot. But mostly I have weird dreams where 3 or 4 crazy things are smashed into.
I dream, it usually includes house that are apparently my home, there is definitely a feeling of this is my home to it, but they are places I don’t recognise, in area’s that remind me of the 90’s, my earlier days but yet not in areas I would live in now.
At such times the details are insane, a door handle that isn’t working properly, reminds me of houses I have lived in. Opening a door to the outside and seeing an abundance of plants hanging from the eaves with bright red tomatoes in abundance. Then my sister is there. Well, either of my sisters would be strange.
The other times I’M ON ROLLER SKATES. Anyone else having these dreams? Yeah, I did roller skate when I was a kid and I’ve a friend who does Roller Derby.
But my dream, I was roller skating around the city, around Federation Square and I had some speed, was cutting in and around people and not hitting anybody and still managing to stay upright.
HOW? I don’t know…
Then I got to the top of some stairs and I just flew down them, my wheels catching the platform in between the second drop of stairs and still UPRIGHT. People cheered!
I guess I am not prepared to try roller skating as I imagine I don’t need scrapes and wounds to add to my drama. But it was a nice dream with a feeling of freedom, success and achievement.
I confess today I’m dealing with a little depression, or sometimes as I like to call it CBF! I have both depression and anxiety. It’s not that crippling variety that most people suffer but the type that hums along in the back ground. The type I find I have to remind people that it’s there behind the smile I paste on my face and it’s often when I need to solve a problem around my home that can’t be taken care of with funding. It’s when I remember fondly the days I worked and would just go buy the thing or things I needed and just tighten the belt a bit later.
The sales guy in the Freedom asked my budget? I hate that question so I usually respond with “an amount I can ask from my father without his head exploding” Which means he quotes me the base-level.
Sometimes when I’m advocating my needs to family to help me solve certain problems it’s painful when as an independently living 46-year-old woman. All I should need to just name a figure and ask if they want it paid back over time or can it be a gift? Needing to explain the whole backstory and what I have done to attempt to solve the problem and how it’s impacting on my health, comfort and wellbeing is another level.
I know these awkward conversations are never looked forward to and in the back of my mind I’m always wondering if my laptop will die or my iPad or phone and those things will be far more important and should I just suck it up and live with my cat-pee smelling couch? I am a little immune to it but it still sometimes comes back in waves and getting a rib put back in the other day by the osteopath is reminding me how I’m sitting on my couch cannot be helping!
So, on a better note, here’s today’s offering. Doing something different today. This pork thing (I didn’t get the name) it’s like a pork schnitzel with lettuce and mustard with a side salad and my medicine!