Emphasis On ‘A’

Emphasis on ‘A’

Then, for the first time really ever, I dated. I dated a guy, the emphasis on ’A’ and like usual, some bitch had gotten to him first and he was more Roadkill than anything else.

We did the date thing for whatever and I had, had my diagnosis of my AVM and didn’t know what life and treatment would bring, but I had hopes I meant something to him, more than nothing.

After a third date that was more about us being ‘friends’ and watching films at my house (because my house had a heater and a cat!) etc.

*Sidebar; Imagine watching ‘Blue Dress’ with a new boyfriend, awkward!

So, I set about solving the boyfriend’s issues, trying to be a supportive girlfriend, hoping he would do the same with my treatment and recovery.

Let’s do a stocktake: –

1. Alcoholic – fixed that. 🗸
2. Separated, not divorced. 🗸
3. Permanent Resident in Australia. 🗸
4. Support him parenting his daughter. 🗸

This is starting to sound really bitter, which I’m not. In reality, he had his plans and I had mine and his did not include me.

It wasn’t until after we broke up and he was moving out to interstate for work that I learnt his mother did not even know I existed.

So, lesson learned.

If he had loved me, he would have still been here, with me and lord love that child, but not being a co-parent with the family make-up of that family, I dodged a bullet. Really!

I would have given it a red-hot go but I’m lucky I didn’t have too.

 

 

Cheeky

Cheeky

Now, I like to imagine by now, you are fully aware I am a bit cheeky. I can’t be my usually cheeky self around family, because they don’t get it. Weird right? But I’ve got a new carer who takes me shopping and she has worked out very quickly how ‘fresh’ she can be with me, which is good.

We have been doing a little driving to locations, I can get to certain things without adding to the chaos and me having to carry things.

So, last Friday, after driving to a Health Food shop where I get some of my ‘good pills’ which I get in bulk, so they are cheaper. We drove to a neighbouring suburb to the Petshop. This pet shop has a cat that requires re-homing, there might be a kitten, bunnies, fish. Yeah! That kind of pet shop.

We pulled up in a car park on the street and when my carer was ready to disembark, she came out with a command.

“GET OUT”

To be fair, I wasn’t expecting it, but after a snort, I burst out laughing and so did she.

To be fair, it is always good to have a laugh when out with my carers because people don’t just see me as someone with a disability. People see me out with my ‘girlfriends’ laughing. Sharing stories and wit and people then don’t notice my disability. However, some carers don’t realise if they think they can out do me with wit, they are mistaken.

All I have to do is stand still and let out a screech.

“STOP IT”

And then

“YOU’RE HURTING ME!”

And people might come to my aid.

 

Why I Blog

Why I Blog?

If you have been wondering with a weird array of randomness, what Hellonwheels is all about? Wait no longer, this is why, here is the answer.

Since my diagnosis in 2007? (I don’t know! It’s been a blur) I’ve met many people with ABI/TBI/general fuckwit-ism and it has led me to query, what means what?

Example;

When I first started going to ABI groups socially, because society loves to put you in contact with people with the “same” issues you have. (Please note eye-roll!) I walked in and young men and old flocked towards me, I felt like a Spice Girl in the mid-90’s. One guy, let’s call him ‘Fred’ (because it’s been a while) made it clear to take me under his wing. We got chatting, as you do and as you do you talk about your life before the ABI.

I mentioned my Club years and that’s always a big topic. But, push came to shove and after a little young woman joined us and I was introduced. Lovely younger lady, also with an ABI. Make mental note; got to be careful or might end up ‘paired-up’ with another numpty like me before long if I’m not careful. I didn’t say this reason/story would be simple so stay with me.

Totally worth it, Promise.

Over time, I participated in activities at this group and I supported people and they supported me, so all is well. Became friends with Fred and others outside this group. (it’s inevitable: stuff sticks sometimes) Fred had gotten his TBI from pure fuckwitedness (as I like to consider it) his girlfriend was lucky to be alive having been hit by a car crossing the street. But, unlike her boyfriend, she had not had a typical young adult life, like he had, had before his TBI, because she had, had hers at 17 years-old.

He also liked to bond with me because I had been ‘there’ (Clubs/parties) and I remember it. I wasn’t drunk and off my face like nearly everyone else.

Overtime, I became a bit more of a mentor to Fred. I was friendly to his girlfriend, also she was none the wiser. He was also finding excuses to visit socially. FYI: I don’t socialize at 11pm at night, that’s my time.

He even had a gay friend drop him over for a coffee one afternoon on a weekend and I was told to ‘look’ after him.

I hope you are getting that he seemed to have told people, I might have been a potential ‘whatever/girlfriend’ when in reality it was always a HELL NO.

I decided to discuss this situation with a friend who worked in the industry who was familiar with all of us and our past history etc, her advice to me was.

‘Oh, you should go out with him, because before his ABI, he had four or five girlfriends at a time. Now he’s only got one or two.’

WTF!

Um, I hope you realise, I would not have dated more than one guy at a time before my diagnosis, let alone date a guy who thought he could date more than one woman at a time, I certainly wouldn’t now.

I am also aware I am no longer some Jennifer Hawkins type, now or before my disability, however I’m still not prepared to lower my standards and just accept some broken bit of road kill.

Make mental note: Explain Helen’s definition of Road Kill later.

So, back to my point. Yes, apparently it is said, people retain their personality after their ABI/TBI what did I call it? That they had before their (as above).

Now, this is why I blog.

If I’ve always had my ABI (AVM), have I developed this personality, because of my AVM or despite my AVM?

BAM! There I’ve done it.