hibernate

All posts tagged hibernate

Hostage

Published December 24, 2018 by helentastic67

Hostage

Hostage

There is a reference I often make to what it’s like having a disability and I’m certain people who have more severe disabilities than I, feel this way.

Disability Hostage

Now, I also premise this by saying I’m pretty sure my family don’t read my blog. So I’m good to go. I can write what I like.

Let me just say, the breakdown of my family is this. My parents are both still amongst the living (not complaining), they divorced when I was about twenty-five and I knew it was coming for the ten years before that. I have an older sister by two years, who I see once or twice a year (she lives closest), I have one surviving younger sister (16 years younger) who lives with my mum. My parents both live three and half hours drive away, my father, I see at Christmas when I’m up that way. He won’t travel to Melbourne to see me and if in town, he won’t bother to visit either. He has not seen most of the places I’ve lived, in the last twenty years. I think he’s seen one, he doesn’t call me, I call him.

Family

I speak to my mum twice a week and while that’s five times less than it used to be, we got along much better than we used to. Mum comes down every so often for serious appointments and such.

Ah, background done. Now to my point!

During smiley holidays and such (Christmas, Easter, what-not) I will go to spend time with family. It’s that or stay at home alone. So, I go and then I lose my independence immediately. I have my mum’s bedroom and I hibernate. I want a shower I have to negotiate when someone is prepared to assist me if I go outside, I generally don’t step off the verandah as the last time I went outside my mum called to me: “If you go for a walk be careful by the water tank there’s a snake over there!” I promptly went back inside to relative safety. Motivation to go anywhere is hard to draw on.

Snakes

To go anywhere requires someone to drive me either twenty minutes to a decent meeting place with medicine(coffee) or an hour where I can arrange to meet friends who might visit family once a year at Christmas time. Any of these adventures requires money I don’t have and logistical nightmares of being able to get home again when I need it.

Drive for coffee

I put my things in the fridge and when I go to get them out again, two other people have moved them to get to other things and I might be standing in just the wrong spot/angle and my things are in my blind spot and I can’t see the forest for the trees.

Fridge

The environment is a very comfortable space for the two that live there and throwing me into the mix I feel terrible to put someone out to be able to join in. Everything I can do to contribute, someone has to move things to prepare for me and I feel more of a hindrance than an adult. So, I hibernate.

Hibernate

Oh yeah, where I spend Christmas, I’m also socially isolated by other means, no mobile reception, I divert my phone and if they can’t remember their wi-fi password I’m screwed. So, hostage. Like I said.

Christmas Hostage

 

Depression and Stats

Published March 17, 2017 by helentastic67

Depression

Depression and Stats

Last night I was looking back over my recent posts and noticing the number of ‘Likes’ some posts have over others. I am definitely noticing that some posts strike a chord with people and that’s when they start to follow and then they seem to not stick around.

Stats

I, obviously don’t post to be popular, I just found it a little amusing, 7 complete strangers liked my post on depression. Clearly, I don’t want to talk about depression, every single post. That would be depressing…

I find the way I deal with my depression is, I vent some and I play a little loud music. Then, I hibernate. I find people don’t understand depression and they don’t realise you can be depressed and still be up and about walking around.

Loud music

Are we all meant to be at home sitting in a dark room, wearing black, looking pale?

I confess, I do wear a lot of black, a heavy grey jacket, today on account of the weather, but under that layers of black! NO, really layers.

Dressed in black

But anyway, where was I? Oh, yes…. Depression, I think writing about it, vent, but do something to move the negativity or else nothing changes.

Sometimes, maybe we just have to change our expectations and disappointment doesn’t snowball to be beyond despair.

I realise this sounds pessimistic, but I wonder if I’ll get more than 2 Likes for this post?

Pessimistic

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