Life one Handed

All posts tagged Life one Handed


Published July 21, 2017 by helentastic67

Review time


Because I don’t have enough on my plate! Remember all those things I was advocating? Well, shit just got more real!

Who wants the purest definition of a Permanent Disability? Well, Centrelink, the Government agency that pays my Disability Support Pension. They want to review my pension.


This also requires me to attend a JCA appointment. Sorry another acronym. The worlds in full of them. Job Capacity Assessment.

Firstly, they head up a staircase, I stay at the bottom and say to her (It’s generally a her) I don’t do stairs. She comes back down and we both go up in the lift. It’s like the first test to see if I’m really disabled. One point, Helen, JCA staff – zero.


Hopefully they will assess my specialist reports and meet me so I can explain what it’s like just to sit in their office and they will be happy. Permanent is permanent.

Well, as reported recently that Stupidlink did decide I was still eligible for my DSP, it’s just that it took them 18 months to work this out? Maybe not quite that long but it felt that long.

As I like to explain Brain Injury. You can’t unscramble an egg!!!

Unscramble eggs

Today’s Lunch – 19th July 2017

Published July 19, 2017 by helentastic67


Todays lunchSo, lunch is early today. Sadly, Young John is off to the bank. To get a loan, so he and his wife Young Betty can go visit her parents who are not well.

I wish I could help him.

It is what I refer to in Melbourne today as Full-Winter! I am wearing my Marino wool jacket and my heavy jacket with my hood, add a Marino wool scarf and my cuff and collar I resemble an Eskimo.

Melbourne winter

Not looking forward to seeing my chiro today. I have a rib out and when it goes back in, it hurts. Then when she massages the muscles around the same rib at the front under my left ‘girl’ it tickle/hurts. I am often grabbing my chiros thigh when it gets to be too much. Kinda “you hurt me? I hurt you!” She will say, “Mmmm, That’s good actually!” Making me thing I’m doing it wrong.
Anyway, the day goes on.

Hope your Hump Day is going to include a coffee and some delicious food.

Happy hump day

Today’s lunch is my winter favourite.
Zaffarino Arancini with side-salad.
With the medicine. Latte.



Hot off the Press – 17th July 2017

Published July 17, 2017 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press

Just an FYI; received two proposals for marriage last week, on the same day. Like I’ve not waited 44 years….ok, maybe not the first 23 or so….but the last 20 sure and got them both in the same day. One was simply because I made minestrone and didn’t stuff it up.

Gave some to the lovely gentleman Tony previously mentioned and the second offer came from another gentleman for a reason I cannot even recall. Both men old enough to be my father! So, not offended. Let’s move on………

Story for the week re the Place I go? Previously, the crazy woman who threatened me? This week a lady was wandering around in her winter jacket (only) while she ran her clothes through the washer/dryer. She kept using the washer then the dryer about three times so she was there all day! With the machine busy all day and proceeded to make a mess of the bathroom (there is a shower there) and she managed to flood the laundry twice. The place survives with one underpaid staff member and volunteers. This woman could not be reasoned with, she would not clean up after herself as she felt she wasn’t paid to clean so, she almost had the only paid person on site in tears trying to reason with her to leave and take her presence elsewhere. I was in the office filing away client files (mine included) helping any way I could to lighten the staff members workload. I even did a little parenting since grandma wasn’t doing it. I do grumpy parenting under these circumstances by the way. “No! No one’s using that computer. But go out there and stay out of the way!” I might also have ended up sitting on the floor in tears but luckily my day ended by being given a lift home. About 3-4 suburbs away.


We eventually paid the terrible laundress money that had been donated that day so she could take her wet clothes to the local laundromat to dry them there. She even had the audacity to demand change for the dryers. I later learned her mentality is due to alcohol related dementia.

So, everybody put down those glasses and I have been starting to consider alcohol an affordable solution…..

Also attempted to propose a foodie gathering with the ladies in my family. My mum, younger sister and my older sister with her partner. Suggested a gathering so we don’t just all see each other together once a year if we are lucky.

I offered to cook my amazing Chicken Veggie Lasagne. At least I got responses despite not the ones I had wanted. So, I might be making my lasagne for my friends instead as my family gathering is not going to happen. Not surprised but still disappointed, everyone in my family has someone else except me. Feeling like an orphan.

Chicken Lasange

Finished 2 comics this week! I read both in a single sitting for each which felt like an achievement however I’ve obviously been churning through all the A’s -B’s and having just read a season of Willow from the Joss Whedon. I’m way behind still. The final Willow Comic Season, had an advert for a Comic Con….Dated 2013! Grrrrr……Just when I thought I was getting somewhere!

Also had company for my standard Single Girl Date Night! I referred to us as the 3 Amigo’s watching, you guessed it “The 3 Amigo’s!” I suggested to the others, to work out which actor they felt they embodied. I ended up Martin Short but, I’m not complaining. I haven’t seen the film in years, but recently added it to my collection. Now I have the tune My little butter cup song in my head!

3 Amigos

My guests fell asleep sitting up on the couch before 9pm! After the film ended and their kip’s over I fed them. Everyone was happy! They departed by 11pm.

In recent weeks, I’ve learnt the meaning of the term ‘False economy. For example: 1. An NGO (Not for profit/None Government Organisation) self-advocacy group has been funded nearly half a million dollars just before the end of the financial tax year because the government had a surplus. Now, that agency has been given that funding to roll out what they do in Victoria but in the other States as apparently Victoria is ahead of the curve and the other States are behind, and they will get it done. However, in the following years they can’t expect the funding to be there to help get the work done or keep the ball rolling. They will need to tender for ongoing funding.

False economy

My firsthand experience of the false economy is that my Case Management organisation who also provide the bulk of my carers these days has not been particularly efficient and as my NDIS package was not correctly implemented (not getting my shoes, etc) the company has offered to find the money for my shoes to keep me happy. Little does the guy who suggested this to my Mum to appease her know I need 2 pairs of shoes and they cost AU$460.00 a pair! But they cannot seem to fix the communication issues in their organisation so I have a roster every week for my carers no more than two carers in any given week. Lastly, the lovely newly qualified lady from the Rio/Remedial clinic came to give me a massage on Thursday. I put on some lovely soothing music. Dead Can Dance.

Just as we got started, out the front of my house some overdue roadworks started! My council has been promising speedhumps down my wide street to slow down the hoons for years! Then down the back someone started some gardening with a Chainsaw!!!!

Sweet Jesus! I was neither happy nor relaxed! The Universe did not get my memo….. for peace and calm.

On Friday, while out shopping with my carer we visited a pet shop in a neighbouring suburb. It’s the kind that has pets for sale bunnies, fish. On this occasion, a kitten curled up fast asleep, I let it sleep. It was a challenge as they usually have a cat that has been rescued, fostered by a crazy cat lady in the countryside to be rehabilitated (my word not there’s) and their health attended to. Then transported off to pet shops for sale to living pet owners.

Ginger cat

This is how I came to meet Ralph on Friday. Ralph is a 2-year-old boy, ginger and white, long-haired. He is a very big boy. I asked Mark if he would get him out of his 3-tiered enclosure so I could do more than beg to scratch his head. He was inundated by hand from everywhere prompting me to ask a man (whose daughter was patting him) if he would give Ralph a good home. He confessed they had two cats at home already so I continued to introduce myself to young Ralph. Luckily, Mark (staff) lives in my street so we discussed renting in the area while I managed to get a headbutt from Ralph. I suspect Ralph is a Maine Coon breed, but I don’t think they know this. Mark told me the long-haired cats get snapped up very quickly there. The last cat they had was there a month, Ralph had arrived only the day before. These cats are vet checked and neutered. And cost only $120. My carer and I stopped for a coffee break next door and I rang my mum. I really miss sharing my home and coming home to another living breathing creature but mum is convinced I’m not getting another cat until after I’ve relocated.

Again, I’ve come to the conclusion I won’t find anything cheaper of a reasonable size where I won’t go bat-shit claustrophobic crazy, so I want help to be able to afford to stay. I look to my mum to encourage me to have another cat but she is not very encouraging.

I have a wardrobe full of clothes from my old life I want to sell. I’ve recently been in pursuit of some consultancy work. To help me afford the things I need but cannot afford but it’s hard to convince people with an ABI who have plenty of funding how the rest of us live. He keeps offering me work telling me how much he needs me but if I do any work, I risk losing all of my income and I can’t work enough to cover what I would lose. So, I’ve started to withdraw my advice and energy.

I’m finding while not financial I get some great rewards from my blogging community even if all I’m doing is advising someone who hasn’t left the house in 9 years, how best to utilise their carers. She now gets carers because I asked her what she was waiting for. Her blogging is not as prolific however her tone is clearly more upbeat.

So, again all I can hope is that this week is not as stressful and I can read more comics.



Good week



Published July 14, 2017 by helentastic67



I hate when I spell something so badly, even the auto-correct on your phone can’t help me.

I have been known to suggest ways I could be excused from having to attend an AGM because, Sweet Jesus some I’ve been to are boring as!

Seriously, like waiting for paint to dry or grass to grow. I always suggest I’d prefer watching paint dry, because at least you can get high on the fumes…

Paint drying

Anyway, I have asked what would be a suitable reason to get out of attending, said AGM’s in the future and suggested Chronic Diarrhea? But the retired teacher told me only if I could spell it correctly!

I can be a bit of a spelling Nazi, because in I’m old enough to know the benefits of using words and yet “young enough” to abbreviate when texting and such…

Spelling Nazi

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held out my phone to someone telling them I have never typed in Canbu” because surely by now Not-smart phone you can tell I have a fat thumb and really meant to type Can you! Or the shorter version Can u?

Spelling mistake

Today’s Lunch – 12th July 2017

Published July 12, 2017 by helentastic67


Today”s Lunch

Today’s usual arancini is looking a little flat for some reason. Kinda how I’m feeling this fine Hump Day mid-winter Melbourne.

Arincini Ball

Arancini has pumpkin & spinach today with the standard side-salad. And my medicine (cafe latte)
Side Note; When in Rome do not order a Latte! You will get what you asked for….a glass of milk.

There is something I really appreciate about the routine of my Wednesday. The crazy part of my week is done. From here to Friday there are generally no surprises.
Depression the standard today. Another day. Meh!


Hump day

Hot off the Press – 10th July 2017

Published July 10, 2017 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press 100717

Today’s Hot off the Press will be bought to you today by the letters ‘F’ for Helen’s favourite word and ‘A’ for my apology for using the favourite word with frequency that might upset some. Only for the events that were on Monday and all in context to what happened. Anyway, let’s move on.


Monday, I was at my usual free community it’s health clinic only ever referred to as the Place. Trying to multitask and do my admin/emails while conversing with a nice gentleman called Tony and another lady joined the conversation. Well, she actually hijacked the conversation and it tuned out as I was getting a migraine. After a while, Tony disappeared and as I was not coping with being talked to (note, not with but at) I had asked her to stop. Several times, when she didn’t I humorously asked if she could talk under water? (Gets a laugh, yes. But apparently inflammatory) but I honestly thought it was better than a Shut the fuck up! Or outright Fuck off!……no? Tony returned with the woman who runs the place. She took a physical position between the other woman and myself. I had been aware she had been competing with me, but I had not been baiting her or responding to her so I didn’t realise she had been attempting to intimidate me by standing over me. Management seemingly came to my rescue and feeling miffed the other woman left. It was explained to me she has a very prison mentality and had spent 8 years in prison (wait!) for killing her husband. (And that is not the punchline)

Um, a new friend from this Place has said when you feel like your life is totally shit (paraphrasing) you go to this Place and then from what you see your life doesn’t seem that bad. It is presumed I should be getting my social community fix from this place.

I did attempt to explain to this woman why I wasn’t coping with her talking at me. I mentioned I had a brain injury and her only response to this was “everybody has a brain injury these days!” I honestly didn’t know how to respond. Note it would still be rude for me to have told her to fuck off or shut the fuck up! Go figure….and I’m the one with the brain injury.

I was given a lift home by said gentleman, after I joined them for some good social contact ie; joined them at the pub for beer. I had lemon, lime and bitters. Once home, coffee was had while my carer completed her chores.

Tuesday, went to the brain injury group I’m part of in the city for some Shanghai Doodle. (Think Chinese whispers but on paper) Good times, it seems even with only 8 people with brain injuries I still go home with a migraine. It would seem my ABI is not compatible with others in large numbers.

DoorwayGarden 1Garden 2Garden 3






Wednesday, you may have noticed a lack of my Foodie Post? I didn’t have time to tap out an email on my iPhone as I was busy with company. A friend who I have not seen in some years joined me and much discussion was had. Here is a picture of Ro with the (I can never recall the name, so I call it the) Salted a caramel thing………I generally only have it in my birthday week and it must be shared and accompanied by coffee.




I’m not too good with photography these days…


Thursday, had the day off. Making me a very happy camper. Still had calls to deal with in the never-ending drama of needing personal carers. I confess I had some fun at the expense of my young carer who got a tongue piercing. Making it impossible to understand her with her tongue swollen. I resorted to suggesting she throw me a few words and I would attempt to make a sentence from them. Couldn’t help myself.

I don’t have any unusual piercings, not my thing. But I found myself explaining to Young John why people might get their tongues pierced? That wasn’t awkward at all. Speaking of Young John, still got that damn song in my head. “Shuddup-a-your face!”

Friday ended with a large pot of bolognaise sauce in my slow cooker. Yield? About 8.5 bottles.
Which might explain why my left hip hurt Saturday. Some weird thing even the physiotherapists can’t explain. When I do too much or lift heavy things, I shouldn’t one-handed my left hip hurts. Yes, it super-awesome! Not!

Managed a whole comic this week, I know, only one, but I did get to replenish the pile in the lounge to get through in the coming weeks.

Single girl date night included the “Guardians of the Galaxy’ which I finally saw in full and much TV was watched. It sometimes feels like my appointments and visionary achievements (TV Shows) really do mark the passing of time and there is nothing major to report. Really feel like I’m treading water and not making any significant mark on this planet.

Guardians of the Galaxy

The weekend was spent otherwise off-grid. Just the way I like it and now it’s Monday and the crazy starts all over again.

Big week huh? I can do without so much excitement this week. Please?

Have a great week 1


Impulse Control

Published July 7, 2017 by helentastic67

Impulse Control

Impulse Control

So, there are times I’m at a clinic where there is little privacy. Such as my acupuncturist and physio work simultaneously. At times, you zone out, like when you work in an open-air office. You hear someone telling the Physiotherapist explaining the pain someone is experiencing is coming from somewhere completely different. After some massage of the affected area, they are sent on their way and I hear them ask “what if it keeps hurting?” And I hear him say to stop what they are doing. My impulse control proves lacking when I mutter from behind the curtain “more pain” insane!

More pain

Other times, a woman asks the younger physio if he’s going to use needles. He joyfully responds “first we’re going to electrocute you! Then we’re going to stab you!” He does dry needling. She murmurs her reply…

Again, waiting to create some humour, I call out “put me down for some of that.” And they laugh

To be clear, I’ve heard that physio use that line dozens of times and I could help it no longer.

Other times my impulse control is very useful for others present.

In my late 20’s I was sitting in a GP’s clinic waiting room in the country. A mum came in with her son, who was about 6 years old, my mum was there also. The young boy asked his mum a very strange question. “Mum, what’s an Orgasm?”

Out of the mouths of babes

Oh, dear God! She looked so uncomfortable. I raised my hand off my knee in a gesture and met her eyes and offered “I can do that one if you like?” She let me take it, but I’m sure she was holding her breathe, I looked at the boy and said “You know when you’re going to sneeze? And it feels really good, but you’re not sure if you’re going to sneeze? It builds up? Eventually you sneeze and you are relieved?”Snee


The boy looked at me like he understood and he seemed happy.

The mum looked equally relieved.

Kinda felt like I’d had an Atticus Finch moment as I’d explained the sensation without divulging too much. He must have heard the word somewhere. (I don’t know where the 6-year-old kid heard the word Orgasm…)

I’m sure my mum thought I’d not have gotten involved. Sometime, I think my problem with certain thoughts work out better than expected….

Noah the end

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