Life one Handed

All posts tagged Life one Handed

Stuff to Avoid, While Grieving Dad

Published February 5, 2023 by helentastic67

Stuff to Avoid While Grieving Dad

So, try to get the humour in this post! Just try, yeah.

Cannot watch shows where happy couples are having tender moments with their newborn babies! WTF!

Can’t watch scenes of women being walked down the aisle. Who’s going to walk me down the aisle now? What? It might still happen.

Can’t even type these words, so it would appear! Fuck! Sad now!

What Kind of Woman, Human, Feminist I Choose To Be

Published January 30, 2023 by helentastic67

What Kind of Woman, Human, Feminist I Choose to be

I’ve been contemplating much in recent years, the type of woman I want to be. I don’t think twice when it comes to who I support or don’t offer my support to when someone is in need. I’ll even offer a kind pat or words to a friend that I know didn’t use my advice the last time we discussed the issues they are still having or have again, because it’s obvious they didn’t heed my advice the last time. I get they weren’t ready or were not ready.

A woman will also get a pat or empathy and compassion despite stabbing me in the back in recent times. But sometimes, it’s easy to give a girl a quick piece of advice that will just make life so easy and I feel it helps the Universe of women, even if it’s just once. Last Friday, my carer and I visited a public toilet in a shopping complex I frequent. The toilets are my last option as they are in a horrific state as you will learn.

My carer had used a toilet after me and as she washed her hands another woman came in. I put my walking stick behind me towards the now open door and told her, “You want that one!” Then my carer and I sang its many attributes. “It’s got a toilet seat, a lock that’s works, a hook on the back of the door, toilet paper!”

She had already gone into the cubicle we had recommended. And we finished with “And it flushes!” I sang out a “Your Welcome!” As we left.

Ladies! We all know what this is like, so I choose to be part of the solution not part of the problem. You can also contemplate the kind of women you want to be?

Hope you appreciate a break from the misery?


Finding Happy Memories

Published January 23, 2023 by helentastic67

Finding Happy Memories

The younger generation miss out on a lot, particularly when it comes to inappropriate jokes, political correctness aside, and the older generation will love this and maybe remember them, because I’ve not had kids and because I feel like there’s a bit of a gap between the young kids today. I’ve not had kids to pass on some of the on the border of inappropriate jokes, see if you can cope with these trying to find something upbeat, OK it was a series of fat and skinny jokes and I could think of only one.

I shared this with someone today. Here we go fat and skinny had a bath fat pulled the plug glug, glug, glug!

Simple but elegant, in its simplicity. Shared it with a friend who didn’t know that one but had another in the Fat and Skinny collection.

Fat and skinny went to bed, Fat rolled over skinny was dead, sometimes simple things are quite witty are so good. Oh yeah, tell me what you think.

Remember I’m trying to find some happy memories from my youth to find a way through my grief.

Humour and Grief

Published January 15, 2023 by helentastic67

Humour and Grief

I know my posts were more on the miserable side since my father’s passing last October. Can’t even consider it on the dark side, it was very dark times. But, despite all of this I’ll share with you a few of the more humorous moments I shared with family and friends. My father being only in his mid-70’s had spent a great deal of time alone in more recent years, pre-the Covid-19 even.

He kept himself busy with jigsaw puzzles, something we used to do when we were kids over the summer. Trying to sneak out the corner piece when it was close to finished so we could come in and help put in the last piece.

My father retired early, much to his annoyance because, before he turned sixty, he was diagnosed with bowel cancer, followed by his consistent, bladder cancer. (Similar part of the body!) he did chemo for both. He managed to keep his hair. Both times. Not his beard but his hair on his head, bit of a Legend.

Anyway, I digress, many jigsaw puzzles and more than enough cactuses. What’s the plural here? Just asked google. I’ll let you also.

Alas, his fight was over, sad. The next struggle has been where should the jigsaws and dry, sharp, prickly, spider web covered plants go? Yeah, I had told my father in recent years his life should all be about standing outside holding a garden hose, little effort. He couldn’t.

At the funeral, jigsaws were on offer to anyone to help themselves. I told a few, “If you don’t take one with you, I’m sending five to your home!” Mildly successful. Still some to rehome.

The cacti? My dad’s two brothers visited and we beckoned them over to about five pots busting with cacti and pups ready to be re-potted.

My two uncles, no idea what’s was about to take place, like lambs to the slaughter. “Dad wanted you to each have a plant. It was in his will!” And their children, now adults, the joy on my most tender-hearted uncle’s face “Really?”

Had to be honest, no. But he would be very happy if you took some. When they’re over Christmas, many of the plants had flowers. I like to imagine dad was smiling down on us.

Being One-Handed

Published January 9, 2023 by helentastic67

Being One Handed

I must confess, I sometimes really love it when people take a moment to realise, I’m ONE-HANDED. Over Christmas I was at a small family gathering, which is to say, they have not spent much time around me since my disability/or disabilities.

We were doing a BBQ dinner and cutlery was scares. I confess, the knife is lost on me these days, I asked my cousin to my left to hold the skewer while I used my fork to pull the meat off the skewer. I tried, after a moment, she offered to do both. On my left, my younger sister reached over with her knife and fork to cut up a snag on my plate.

SNAG! Not just a Sensitive New Age GUY! But another name for a sausage.

A great Aussie line is “a BBQ isn’t a BBQ without a sausage!” and when my cousin came back sit down, cutlery was in very short supply. I offered my knife, still clean and untouched. I had to insist, holding my fork in my right hand and suggesting she had a few seconds to work out as to why I didn’t need the knife.

I explained who had helped me and how. When they got it, they got it pretty quickly and I gave them a smile as if to express, ‘It is what it is’. What can I do? Which made it ok that they hadn’t realised these are the simple things.

It has been strange spending time with family who in the last fifteen years haven’t been around me to know all the day to day things about my disabilities.

I know, despite the multi-layered name of my blog I haven’t covered it much. Mostly because, I’m one-handed and thankfully naturally right-handed, so I’ve just gotten on with stuff.

Often, even immediate family I need to remind them of things I just don’t do and this makes me pretty fucking grumpy.

Who thought I’d wrap this blog post up without uttering a swear word?
Not I!

Here’s to 2023

Published January 2, 2023 by helentastic67

Here’s to 2023

Write a blog post mentioning the words “Slut & Player” on your own blog and get censored from an NGO you have been volunteering at for over 10 years. Wonder what 2023 will bring? Ah, never mind! Felt like 2022 kicked me in the face.

Happy New Year everybody. Let’s hope 2023 really brings its A-Game.

Getting this post to Noelle with days to spare, she will be impressed.


Merry Christmas To You All

Published December 26, 2022 by helentastic67

Merry Christmas to you all

Had an odd conversation before Christmas with a carer about which day to actually open your presents. She’s older than I am but still, hello! She thinks you open them Boxing Day. What the…….? It’s Christmas Day! Or in my home, when I bought them.

This year I had planned to stay with my father for Christmas having had last year “off” but he found a sneaky way to not have me around! Yes! Yes! He passed in October, but I still came to the country to be in his home with my younger sister and mum came for lunch.

My dad still mangled to make my Christmas, here are the things he managed to buy me. A Kitchen Aide Food Processor. (Commonly referred to as the F.P. In our family)

A paper shredder, OMG best thing ever. Although do you know they work for five minutes then need 40 minutes of rest time. It’s like a teenager, does it need a nap also?

And best of all, dad bought me my much-needed new Apple Laptop. I really didn’t know otherwise how that was going to happen. My second ever laptop is now around seven years old and dying.

I wonder what everyone else got from Santa. 

Please comment and Like below. 

Cheers, H

Another Year Over

Published December 19, 2022 by helentastic67

Another Year Over

Anyone else wondering where 2022 went? All year I’ve been desperate for this year to be OVER! Just when will it be OVER. So, now it almost is, I’m trying desperately to put the brakes on, as I’m not caught up yet.

Christmas is a week away and this week I normally deliver all my yummy rum balls to my regular appointments, locations. Seriously even the several post offices I use get a little delivery and they are not done yet.

Rain check anyone?

I confess, I’m usually stressed about Christmas, where I will be? If I can get carers? And will I be with family or home alone? Who will feed Mika? All of these things. It’s always such an emotionally charged and traumatic time. What Christmas, traumatic? Yes!

So, I’ve been frustrated, I have been short with people. I thought this was my default setting as it is my baseline every December. But no! Apparently, it’s grief! What the F? That does make sense.

Brilliant Idea

Published December 4, 2022 by helentastic67

Brilliant Idea

Last night I was talking to a friend who works in a hospital. She is dealing with the continued spread of the Plague as I prefer to call it.

I’m still Plague 0/Hell doesn’t know how to accurately do sporting scores, let’s just say I’ve not had the Plague and I’m not complaining.

And I don’t think it’s just because of the four Pfizer, I’m also not wearing a mask unless I absolutely must and the current mandates indicate you no longer need to isolate if you have the Plague, since WHEN. I tell you.

If someone, anyone is sick with something infectious or contagious, please stay home. So, I digress, my friend said people go visiting friends in hospital and don’t wear a mask, or don’t wear it properly. So, more people are getting the Plague, are in hospital already.

So, I had a suggestion, a condition of entry should be

Thoughts, anyone?

On a Happier Note

Published November 21, 2022 by helentastic67

On a Happier Note

Had such miserable posts of late, but here’s a little something amusing that comes from family spending time together even for the shittiest reasons.

Five ladies taking up residents in my father’s home. We all do our coffee a different way. My sister’s partner on the percolator to make sure everyone had their “Medicine” (as I call it) when they needed it. One morning, well around 10am, I walked past my older sister throwing her a simple question that required little thought to answer. She stood holding her coffee cup asking if I had dared to ask her a question before her morning coffee. My younger sister looked empathetic towards her plight, even though she only has one coffee every day. I told her fair enough and she could get back to me after her coffee.

I later explained to the marker of coffee, “I like to start the day with my natural enthusiasm for life! But I need to have medicine towards the end of the afternoon to get through the rest of the day!”

I think it’s a bit ironic considering I spend every morning looking stoned and I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. Definitely not getting into the Mary Jane.

The bringer of coffee and I got a coffee the day after my father’s funeral at a fantastic cafe/coffee roaster in my hometown and while there we bought a supply of roasted beans. The worker in the café were really good at the customer service, that such roles require, offering us all the different kinds of beans available. I really wanted to suggest, “give us the one for, I’ve had too much Sake last night Asking for a friend.” It wasn’t me driving the porcelain bus at 7am the day after, but enough said.

Hope you get the Up’s and Downs in life right now and can hang in there for me to return to normal programming. Must I remind followers. Please hit Like.

Noelle will be impressed she can post on the Monday, so things are getting back on track, I aim to please.

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