Life

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Life

Published May 12, 2017 by helentastic67

Life

Life

If you’re not living; You’re just waiting to die. I’m often forced to re-evaluate what life is all about.

My dreams

I used to think life would be about having my own family, my ideal picture more recently being a husband and cat and dog. A mortgage (likely) a career, a business of some sort and enough freedom to afford a holiday to foreign shores every now and again.

crazy disability

Since my diagnosis and then my disability, some of these things have faded from being possibilities or a reality?

In many ways, I do feel like I’m just passing time and I’m not sure what life is meant to be about, in the big scheme of things. I’m still trying to make a difference every day with the little things I do and the everyday interactions, but right now I’m wondering what I should be doing differently so I’m not found months or years after I pass away, unnoticed by the world in my armchair as an old lady surrounded by 20 hungry cats…

Cat lady

Life – Part 2

Published December 30, 2016 by helentastic67

life-2

Life

“If you are not living you’re just waiting to die!”

I’ve been questioning this lately because when I was younger I imagined life meant work, family and eventually “green pastures”. Meaning a comfortable retirement eventually after a sufficiently lengthy work life!

I’m pretty certain having children is never going to happen from this body. While not menopausal, I’ve done my time changing nappies for 2 younger sisters cured me of needing to make up for it now.

nappies

I’m not apologetic to say that when I’m out shopping or in Cafes and I hear a baby cry or screech. It’s the sound of my ovaries drying up! I’m certain my body would struggle with caring for a baby, my back certainly would not cope. A second disc bulge, while pregnant? Pass! Hell NO!

sceaming-ovaries

Marriage is an endless possibility, so yet to rule that out. I’ve always wanted a man who was more interested in my mind than my body and let’s face it, the last 8 years haven’t been kind to my body. Now I just hope life isn’t so cruel, that I meet the man of my dreams and he’s a Neurosurgeon.

not-married

Wouldn’t that be ironic…

Because we all know surgeons are “cutters”. Cutters like to cut!

nuerosurgen

No-one’s cutting into my brain until I’m no longer using it! All the careers I’ve had I can no longer do. Organisations love my knowledge and experiences, but no one wants to pay for this wisdom I have. They all expect I’ll impart this wisdom for free, because I’ve seen as some scourge on the community and it’s how I can give back to the community.

So while I’m not ready to give up and die, I don’t know what I’m living for. Does that make sense? I’m working that out!

Reassessing…

reassessing-1

Life

Published December 16, 2016 by helentastic67

life-wallpaper

Life!

So, it occurs to me that while I often have a humorous bent and way to write about things, I often write when I’m in the mood to write.

Right now, I definitely don’t much care to write. I feel on top of the usual “seedy” and left eye barely able to see, my stomach is really not helping.

So, it’s probably, with all the thoughts buzzing in my mind the most perfect time to vent my thoughts.

thoughts-in-head

Last Friday, I received some good news. I won my 2nd appeal to Stupidlink (my friends G-rated term for Australia’s Government Pension Provider) for a debt and it looked like I wouldn’t have to pay it back for the next 25 God damned years of my life.

phone-with-centrelink-1

I know, I hear you saying ‘Get a Goddamned job Cow!’ But it’s not that easy.

Keeping in mind, I have this ‘debt’ because I earn a small pension from my Superfund because my disability is permanent life-long injury and I’m unable to go back to work.

Part of the debt was forgiven due to Stupidlink losing my forms when I declared them, 5 years ago!

And for the last 5 years this ‘extra income’ has allowed me to afford (what I now term as simple luxuries) paying my rent on time.

Keeping the lights on.

Living alone because housemates like to free load, because they think I’ve got a sweet life and they want to hitch a ride.

No seriously, as fucked up as that sounds, it happened!

Apparently eating, I thought I’d be able to keep doing that!

And over weekend I took a deep sigh of relief that for once the Universe was looking after me and I could afford to continue/or return to be able to do all of the above.

Today, I received a letter. I decided to do call straight away to follow it up! The letter was to prompt me to do just that in the hope that I had miraculously come into some income or wealth where I could start repaying more of the debt every fortnight.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot – I hear myself say?

wtf

Um, I mention the letter I received only last Friday (today is Monday), that said debt had been waivered!

There was no note of it on the system and apparently after a call to the appropriate people came back with the information that they have until the 31st May to appeal the decision and it looks like they will do that!

More questioning on my part and it looks like I have to cry ‘poor’ in another round!

So, feeling overwhelmingly tired and sick to my stomach, I did what I always do when life gets stressful.

I went to bed!

I woke hours later not feeling much better and questioning how I can live on less, what decisions I am supposed to make to make the Government able to cripple me a little more.

Let’s see;

Do I give up my Friday Custard Scroll? That’s $3.30

I really can only tell the week is over when I wrap the week with a coffee and Custard Scroll on Friday afternoon.

That will take a long time at $3.30 per week.

I guess I can live without those things, but they are literally the only nice things I get/do each week to make life in some way more livable.

I’ll just say, it makes me happy!

Is it too much to ask to be a little happy?

stressed-cat2

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