Sleep Clinic – Part 2
So, today I thought I’d do the FU (follow up) on my sleep clinic experience. Hilarious.
It’s been six months since my last confession. (no, I stand by that comment)
The goal since I was last there, was to improve my sleeping pattern, because I go to bed late (or early, depends how you look at it) and don’t want to wake in the morning.
And today, I reported I’m still struggling to get to bed/sleep by 1am. (I repeat 1am) But alas, it usually takes me that long to get to and from appointments, do chores, do the TV/Current Affairs catch-ups. Because, I still need to know what’s happening out there in the world and what stupid Tweets some ‘world leaders have said.’
WFT people! How has he still got a Twitter account? Why has somebody not taken it off him? (Don’t answer that)
Hey, I’m not saying our Prime Minister is a model citizen, but c’mon.
Anyway, I digress.
My original diagnosis after the sleep clinic was very mild sleep Apnoea. Don’t panic, I’m not worried. I was told to avoid sleeping on my back. No, really. That’s the solution to that.
Besides this I might have secondary Narcolepsy and I kept telling him I knew what that was because, I lived through the 90’s and saw My Own Private Idaho with River Phoenix (RIP) and Keanu Reeves (mmmmm) in it. We don’t even know if I have that until I fix/improve my sleeping pattern.
Today, I tried to Hel-splain (like Man-splain, but Helen does it) why improving my sleeping pattern is so near impossible.
- It’s winter right now as I write this, so if I woke early, I’m going to get up/do what I have to do and go back to bed, because it’s warm there and sleep, because I’m still tired.
- I’ve got crazy Bitch Hormones. I am sliding into the Pause (Menopause) so two weeks out of every month I am just knackered and the first week, I’ve forgotten why but let myself sleep in the afternoon if I just can’t stay awake and thing’s hurt and I can’t work out why.
- Then there’s the Carpel tunnel. WFT is this bullshit. I’m back fast asleep for two hours and the pain in my right hand is excruciating. A cross between pins and needles and numbness. Pick a lane already. I change positions and stretch out my arm and hand. It hurts to touch the blankets and I can’t even make myself stretch my hand above my head to the top of the bedhead, put my fingers under the top of the timber to stretch my arm in all the right places to relieve the symptoms. So, I lie on my back with my arm flung out to the side, wriggling my fingers until the pain subsides.
- Migraines for me are often daily occurrences. While not the normal type that send you to bed, or go to bed with the lights off and a bucket nearly, they are still really crappy. And I’d rather go to bed and sleep it off than get “pilled” and be bombed out. I could potentially medicate every day and who wants that?
And Z. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! Have you met me? My name is Helen. Some years ago, my mum told me I was born just in time for breakfast at 7.13am. Who the fuck has breakfast at 7.13am willingly? (don’t answer that) Mum also suggested, on my birthday to wake at that time and make a list of goals to achieve by the following birthday. Something of setting intentions or other, but seriously.
If I’m having breakfast at 7am in the morning, I’d be ready for dinner at 6pm and bed by 9pm. If I’m going to bed at 9pm, I’m ready for the Nursing Home.
I’m not ready for that yet.